[Cornish_Tw*t]

Mine and Maureen's marriage was getting pretty stale. Some say it's boredom and familiarity, others may cite my prediliction for German "fitness" videos. So, I decided to inject some adrenelin into the relationship by taking us both potholing.<P>Fully equipped, we set off to conquer the "Bishop's Crack", in Derbyshire. I'd guess we were about 300m into the cave when disaster struck. I believe it's wrong to apportion blame in times of crisis, but if the silly cow hadn't hid behind a corner and shouted "Boo!", then I don't believe the<br>ceiling would have collapsed.<P>Maureen believed I may have been struck on the head during the rockfall as I announced I would like "Idi Amin's arch supports,<br>and a seat, not too near the orchestra!"<P>Both torches were smashed, and in the dark Maureen became hysterical, I tried to calm her down, but broke two knuckles when my punch found a stalagtite.<P>Maureen decided to thrash away at the boulders with her pick beleiving the resulting noise would attract attention. This resulted in a stray spark hitting a pocket of methane. The Emergency crew said it must have been a large explosion<br>as they'd never seen climbing boots turned inside out before.<P>Me and Maureen are still together, lying in bed.<br>She's in Ward 7, and I'm in 10.<br>

[Guest]

Episode One - "Enter Pugwall"<br>Pugwall introduces his family and friends, Bazza, Orfo and Stringbean. Today is his birthday. Pugwall's dreams are realised when he is given a guitar - but no amplifier.<P>- no jokes about the episode title<br>