- Mon Feb 11, 2002 2:01 pm
#4098
OK i smelluth a new email target. The Saturday Show will be changed ...forever.
*saftey catch*
arse
To show I'm not just a pretty face (*cough*) I have written a nice little sketch to underline my potential credentials.
An Interview with God- CEO of Nekkidism Ltd
Interviewer-Your currently in the UK promoting your new religious brand Nekkidism, tell us a little bit about its conception?
God CEO- Shares in Christianity Ltd have declined over recent time and analysts predicted big losses for this year due to lack of confidence in investors. In December of last year we entered talks with Nekkid Food PLC involving a possible merger. Nekkid is currently the most dominant food chain outlet in the Netherlands and will launch its first store on British shores very soon. The amalgamation with Christianity will offer consumers a wider range of products and services, which will certainly stimulate investment activity. Nekkidism will unite Christian values within the framework of an evolving tertiary sector.
Interviewer -What was the crucial reasons for the downturn in value of Christianity?
God CEO -Probably the crucial reasons for Christianity’s death was the lack of modernisation within the companies infrastructure and poor techniques in customer research. We focused the product to acutely and failed to capitalise on other potential markets. Sermons, Marriages and Christenings have provided us with sufficient revenue over 2000 years but diversifying into exectutions, the housing market and banking could have helped increase our growth rates dramatically. Our workforce was not multi skilled either, if vicars were able to carry out routine services whilst offering mortgage advice par example lessons have been learnt through these past mistakes and the board of disciples and I are confident about the success of Nekkidism.
Interviewer -What types of services will branches of Nekkidism offer?
God CEO - Diverse and wide-ranging amount. We shall be offering customers standard convenience products whilst launching new innovative goods, which will revolutionise the retail industry. Gods Holy Bread is our first major product launch due out in May, ‘for mind and body-a piece of soul’ this product will be the best thing since sliced bread.
As well as a stimulated product base we will integrate Christian services into the existing Nekkid retail set-up. Church of England institutions will be abolished and all forms of religious ceremonies will take place in the many branches of our organisation. Reverend’s will be mobilised to the various Nekkid Stores around the country and will be trained to operate tills, stock taking and customer service as well as performing their usual duties. Such Multi tasking will only help improve customer relations and profit performance.
Interviewer -Rumours are circulating that you are currently writing a further section to the bible? Is this true?
God CEO -Yes the rumours are completely true. No one can question the phenomenal success of the old and new testaments but their longevity has nearly run its course. With the launch of Nekkidism we feel that a new version of the bible is required which will compliment the themes and direction of our consumer focused strategy. The new version of the bible will be more relevant to current times and will form the basis of Nekkidism.
Interviewer -Sounds interesting, can you give us a few spoilers?
God CEO - The latest testament addition will be titled ‘capitalistic’ and will be a prequel to the original scriptures. This will focus on my college years at Creators High, my conception of the world as well as the early development of capitalism, which becomes brutally suppressed by communist pirates. It will chronicle the importance of man management and effective expenditure. For example, the origins of the 4 fish and 8 loaves of bread miracle performed by Jesus in the Old Testament will be revealed. In this prequel, I will stumble upon a similar situation but construct a solution using a differing method to feed the thousands. Ploughing our fish and bread stock into a secure ISA as well as investing in the growing blue chip companies we end up earning enough dividends in a 12 month period to help not only feed the masses but set up a chain of Fish Sandwich restaurant outlets. Such parables capsule the ideology of Nekkidism, Spirituality and Intelligible finance.
Interviewer -Lastly, what are you views on Satan being fired from his position as CEO of Glaxo- Welcome?
God CEO- When he was originally appointed to this position he offered a very strong and stable 5 year strategy plan but due to increased competition in the medical market Glaxo’s Nasdaq position dropped and consumer confidence reached an all time low. If Satan had managed to create the re-emergence of worldwide Black Death and a new breed of killer vampire bats like he had promised in his contingency plan, Glaxo would have climbed up the business index and received high rates of economic growth. The decision was the only real option for investors and the executive board to take.
Interviewer- Thankyou for your time
God CEO- The pleasure has been all mine
chrismoyles.net
yup it is him on the saturday show. it said -