[Sunny So Cal]

Ezza, even as a joke, that's a ridiculous and irresponsible thing to say. Please, do us a favour, make sure you don't have children any time soon!

[MK Chris]

I'm with Lottie and Andy B. This could split the forum!

I agree. Is it harsh to tell a baby to shut the * up?

Yes, you stupid cow, even you must know that you shouldn't swear in front of babies.

[Andy B]

They don't understand language. It takes about 2 years before they can talk. Seriously though babies do need to shut up more often. As for kids screaming in public - Trains, busses, public shopping centres, they should all be banned. I'd rather have a bunch of chavs listening to their music and throwing stuff than a kid screaming.

Dogs are better. You can tell them to shut the * up and leave them on their own for hours. Plus if they get to 15 they tend not to nick money from you so they can buy Thunderbird and then tell you to * off cos they didn't ask to be born. A dog is always happy to see you.

Dogs>kids/babies>cats

Think of Muffin, Crumpet, Hollie (RIP) and the new one.

[MK Chris]

They don't understand language. It takes about 2 years before they can talk.

How do you think they learn to talk if it's not by listening to people? How awful would it be for a baby's first word to be something sounding similar to '*'?

Seriously though babies do need to shut up more often.

It's what they do, if they can't talk, how do they communicate to people that they're hungry, tired or need changing?

As for kids screaming in public - Trains, busses, public shopping centres, they should all be banned. I'd rather have a bunch of chavs listening to their music and throwing stuff than a kid screaming.

Yeah, make their parents leave them at home to get into all sorts of bother while they go out shopping. Great idea. Imbecile.

[Yudster]

They don't understand language. It takes about 2 years before they can talk.

My youngest could have explained to you in multi-syllable words that that isn't true when he was just over a year old.

As for telling children to be quiet - if any child of mine is behaving in a way which would annoy others, I would deal with it. So if you told my child to be quiet, you'd be telling off a child who was doing nothing wrong, so I'd smash your * face in.

And Ezza - grow up a bit, there's a love.

[Andy B]

Blimey! Someone's in a bad mood this morning!

They don't understand language. It takes about 2 years before they can talk.

How do you think they learn to talk if it's not by listening to people? How awful would it be for a baby's first word to be something sounding similar to '*'?

Initiall a babies brain is so underdeveloped that they can barely make sense of the world, over time as it develops naturally they get better at processing sounds, the brain does this automatically. However babies do not learn to speak by simply imitating, most of what happens is just random noise, they then observe their mother (or other nearby carer) for social signs that the noise they have made is a good one. This is re-enforced until such times as language develops. There is no way a babies first word would be a swear word as I can't think of a single swear word that has only one sound to it (there's a proper name for those things but I don't know what it is). I learned this from that Robert Winston child of our time programme and he's a lord so you can't argue with him...also Here

Seriously though babies do need to shut up more often.

It's what they do, if they can't talk, how do they communicate to people that they're hungry, tired or need changing?

Doesn't stop them being (deliberatley) annoying. It just seems to me that they are always hungry, tired or need changing, they never seem to shut up. I'm not saying I've got a more efficient way of doing it, just that I wish they wouldn't.

As for kids screaming in public - Trains, busses, public shopping centres, they should all be banned. I'd rather have a bunch of chavs listening to their music and throwing stuff than a kid screaming.

Yeah, make their parents leave them at home to get into all sorts of bother while they go out shopping. Great idea. Imbecile.

They've got special carriages on trains for no mp3 players or mobile phones...why not one for no kids! I like my peace and quiet especially on public transport. Interesting side note 90% of pubs in the Great Pub Guide are family friendly yet most of the complaints they received this year was about kids in pubs.....a pub is no place for a kid. Weatherspoons has introduced a 2 drink maximum for people with kids and that includes soft drinks. Once you've had your 2 drinks they turf you out. It's not my fault if I personally find kids annoying. I just hate the way they scream all the time or run riot and the parents do nothing to stop it.

If kids are quiet or asleep then I have no problem with them. Some of them - very rarely - look cute but that feeling normally passes very quickly.

If that makes you angry or resentful then just look at it this way. I'm highly unlikely to have kids of my own therefore my resentment of children will never be passed on and society will continue on blissfully without my kind.

[Zoot]

My godson, who has his second birthday next week hasn't shown any hint of beginning to talk yet. We were talking about it yesterday, he starts a special class at nursery this morning to try to help him along.

[Andy B]

Come on, this doesn't make you smile?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIlJw5h_eNc][/youtube]

No....this however has me in sitches

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_5ZzF98G1o][/youtube]

[Yudster]

.....a pub is no place for a kid. Weatherspoons has introduced a 2 drink maximum for people with kids and that includes soft drinks. Once you've had your 2 drinks they turf you out.

Now this I agree with. Not so much the two drinks thing (although it is a good move I guess) but I'm not a big fan of children in pubs. The only reason you would really is to get some lunch, and there are plenty of places other than pubs to do that.

[catherine]

I started talking at 6 months my first word, well words really, was oh dear.

I don't understand how you can be so horrible to/about babies they are the best thing in the world. If somebody told a baby to shut the * up infront of me i'd go mad, whether it was my child or not. Terrible thing to say.
If I lose my patience the slightest bit with Lydia, I just say 'Oh Lydia' swear at her, she cries louder, they know if you are being nasty or nice or if you are happy or sad.

[Sunny So Cal]

AndyB, you have no children. Let's all be thrilled. Now, like Ezza, do us a favour and please make sure you keep it that way. Your grasp of child development is enough to make me vomit and your sensitivities to the needs of babies and infants is utterly cold-hearted. I'd say stick to caring for your dogs but if you're going about telling them to shut the * up, too, maybe you should start small and have one of those automated pets instead? That way, when RoboCrumpet is "deliberately annoying" you can just switch it off and there's no harm done?

[Boboff]

But, But, But, he has a point.

Children are annoying, as we know as parents when they want to shout and draw on your furniture, and leave sticky sweet wrappers in your car, and pick at the upholstery in your brand new car, and leave clothes hidden in toy boxes, and slam the new freezer door repeatedly to see if it will break the magic light inside.

Yes kids are a pain, bit they are our pain.

Andy though has a point, and saying "*" in the presence of a baby, well sure it is not good, but it sure as hell isn't the worst thing any of us have done today, and it is funny.

Getting a 6 month old baby to "flick the bird" is rightly up there with some of the best comedy highlights. It is mixing naivety with crassness.

Children in Pubs are ok. It moderates behavior and creates a family based social network. They should however be polite, have manners and be able to tell the good guys from the wankers, this does help them in later life I am sure. As someone who has had his own Pub, to say they should not be involved and should go to a place where alcohol is not served say's more about the persons attitude to Alcohol, than the need to keep Pub's for grown up's only.

[foot-loose]

Wooo.

Argument central today eh?

Firstly, the phrase (which I am now planning on registering for copyright on) "shut the * up" can be applied to anyone, anytime, anywhere. It is deliberatly offensive, degrading and funny to everyone whom it is not directed at. I was under the impression that most people on the forum 'got' that and those that didn't ... well, they don't last long anyways.

I think it is a bit unfair to launch an attack on Ezza based on the same gag that many of us have done. I could easily see myself writing a similar post to her.

Secondly, kids start talking at all sorts of crazy ages. My mates wee one has been blathering away for months and she is just over a year old now.

Thirdly, I think a lot of people believe as Andy does - kids are irritating, expensive, noisy, smelly and a hassle when you want to get pissed. However, I also believe that all changes when the kid is your own (or a relative). I think having kids changes even the worst perceptions.

Fourthly, swearing in front of kids isn't right. However, I'm pretty sure it happens all the time, probably in front of everyone reading this. It doesn't mean that they grow up using bad language every * minute. There are worse things in the world that I would want to protect my child from than swearing.

[Andy B]

I do love a good argument. I frequently tell Crumpet to * off. Usually when she's begging for food but I normally do it in a high pitched voice. Sometimes I genuinely tell her to * off when she's being annoying. It changes nothing about them.

When I was 19 and my sister was 10 months old I had to look after her for about 2-3weeks once. To her I was a complete stranger so she cried almost all the time except for those rare moments when sleeping. She would wake at 6am every day. She may have woken up in the night but I'm a heavy sleeper so didn't hear it. Constantly changing her, feeding her, being an entertainer at every other moment drove me to the brink of insanity (yes it's not a long drive) and by the end of it I was only too happy to hand her back.

Even when she was 4 I had to look after her and get her to try to sleep in an unfamiliar location while she was screaming In. That. Way. That. Kids. Do. When. They. Are. Really. Crying. For her dad while a disco was going on outside our window till 6am. I had to get my Dad umpteen times and as soon as he was gone it would start up again. Then up again at 7 for breakfast. We saw no-one else for another 3 hours. That pool looked so tempting but I figured I'd probably get into trouble for it.

I've never liked kids and I doubt I ever will. It's just something that's maybe wired up differently in me. Far too selfish I guess. I admit I hated her less than I did other kids. After the age of about 6 they are not so bad cos you can play with them and when you are tired and they are hyper you can just hand them back to their exhausted parents with a smug grin on your face as you tell them you are off to the pub for the evening. I love doing that.

[Yudster]

Children in Pubs are ok. It moderates behavior and creates a family based social network.

But you can achive those things in many other environments too.

As someone who has had his own Pub, to say they should not be involved and should go to a place where alcohol is not served say's more about the persons attitude to Alcohol, than the need to keep Pub's for grown up's only.

I'm not sure if you're referring to the fact that you have had your own pub or that I have had my own pub (one of the many, many things we have in common Boboff....I love you Boboff.....) - but for me its not about alcohol. Restaurants serve alcohol, and gosh darn it, we even have the stuff at home sometimes!! I think the line between what constitutes a pub and what is classed as a restaurant is getting very blurred, and I mourn the passing of the old fashioned pub. Where that still exists, I wouldn't take my kids.

[MK Chris]

We have an old-fashioned pub in the village where my mum lives, it's brilliant. We weren't allowed there as kids.

Actually, where I live, there are 14 supposed 'pubs' (by which I mean places licensed to sell alcohol for consumption on the premises), of which I would consider at least six 'old-fashioned' pubs.