[Kymm]

go on, tell us your jokes

[MK Chris]

viewtopic.php?f=28&t=17085

[Vivienne]

What do you call a cow mowing the grass?

Answer: a lawn moo-er.

[Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog]

why would it mow the grass? Surely it would prefer it to be long so it could have more to chew on?

[Blackie]

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across his lips and slyly popping a finger into his mouth.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender, flustered, managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies' room."

[Vivienne]

why would it mow the grass? Surely it would prefer it to be long so it could have more to chew on?

Gas, did you really have to wreck my joke.

[Yudster]

He didn't wreck it, merely pointed out why it didn't work.

[Boboff]

Bloke buys a talking centipede for £500, gets it home puts it in his cage and asks it if it fancies coming down the Pub,
The centipede says nothing, the bloke shouts again the same same question, again no response, after the third attempt the chap is really annoyed as he's paid for a duff one, he says to the centipede that he was a waste of money, and that he was really annoyed and was going to take him back.

The centipede looked up and said

"would you just hang on I was putting my shoes on !"

[S4B]

Now that's funny! thanks Boboff

[Boboff]

Two chaps at the Airport have lost their wives, they make eye contact a couple of times whilst searching and then eventually after they pass for the third time strike up a conversation.

" what have you lost ?"
"My Wife, you ?"
"Same, what's your wife look like ?"
"She's 6ft, blonde, large boobs, shall we look for them together now ?"
" No it's ok I think we should just concentrate on yours for the minute"

ha !

[S4B]

Like that one too, will you be my court jester when I'm queen please Boboff?

[Vivienne]

He didn't wreck it, merely pointed out why it didn't work.

This joke did work

[Console]

It would have been better if you had come up with an argument as to why it does work, something like this maybe: -

Perhaps the cow wanted to make pulling the grass off of the ground easier and so mowed it before eating it.

[Vivienne]

It just plain works! It's childish, but it works, Cons. Cows make " moo " noises, it was cutting the grass... it turned into a lawn-"moo-er" - it needs no explanation of any kind.

[Yudster]

But why would a cow be cutting the grass? Its a cow, there is grass - it would EAT the grass! Anyway, its better than any jokes I could come up with, so I'm going to stop now.

[Vivienne]

why does everything have to be analysed to bits...? Sometimes it's good just to accept jokes! The first time I ever came across that one, I wound up on my face (!!).

[Yudster]

Analysis over. You are right.

[Console]

The first time I ever came across that one, I wound up on my face (!!).

Where you drunk?

[Vivienne]

No, I wasn't drunk... just highly amused by this joke! My light, open, mischievious mind allows me to simply accept jokes

[Boboff]

Viv Viv viv viv viv,

I had to un-hide your post, which is something I haven't done for a while, and to see what ? The same old complete and utter rubbish !

I won't be doing that again in a hurry.
S4B I will not be your Jester, but I will come and do a spot at the Royal Variety if you like.

Any way I am sure that you will like this one

two whales are out playing in the Ocean and decide to sink a ship by blowing their airholes on the hull and capsizing it.
All the Sailors are forced to abandon ship.
One of the Whales asks the other whether they should eat the Sailors.
"No, I do Blow jobs but I don't swallow Seamen!"

[Yudster]

Yep, Paul Potts eat your heart out, we know who's going to be the star.

[S4B]

Boboff that's brilliant! Why won't you be my jester? I can just imagine you in a foolscap and waving the jester's rattle

[S4B]

That's what a foolscap is!

[S4B]

It's also something to do with paper or printing I think, sure some smartypants will know

*looks around for Bagfer*

[Blackie]

It's also something to do with paper or printing I think, sure some smartypants will know

*looks around for Bagfer*

Evenin' all.
Foolscap is what they used to call the paper sizes before ISO sizes I think. A full foolscap is like A3 ish and a foolscao foilo is like A4 ish.



Can I stay back and clean the black board after class now Miss?