chrismoyles.net
- Thu Mar 18, 2004 9:41 pm
#241885
1. The Strokes - Reptilia 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Britney Spears - Toxic, 3. Eminem - Lose Yourself, 4. The Rasmus - In The Shadows, 5. BUZZ OFF - The Beautiful South - 36D, 6. Lemar - Dance (With U) 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. The Darkness - Love Is Only A Feeling, 8. Shakedown - At Night, 9. Alicia Keys - If I Ain’t Got You, 10. 50 Cent - If I Can’t, 11. Sum 41 - In Too Deep 8:00 NEWSBEAT 12. LMC vs U2 - Take Me To The Clouds Above, 13. The Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama, 14. D12 - My Band, 15. Twista - Slow Jamz 8:30 NEWSBEAT 16. Faithless - We Come One, 17. Sugababes - In The Middle, 18. Foo Fighters - All My Life, 19. The Cardigans - Erase/Rewind (Tedious Link), 20. Usher feat Ludacris - Yeah, 21. Franz Ferdinand - Matinée, 22. Jennifer Lopez - Baby I Love U! (R. Kelly Remix), 23. Pete Doherty & Wolfman - For Lovers 9:30 NEWSBEAT 24. Stereophonics - Have A Nice Day, 25. Outkast - The Way You Move, 26. Boogie Pimps - Somebody To Love
Chris and Dave both spent their St. Paddy’s day evenings last night at London’s Shepherds Bush Empire, watching Shane McGowan and The Family Mahone. Chris said he didn’t feel great this morning and it’s fair to say he sounded as rough as a buzzards crutch at the start of the show. It was an encouraging start too for Dave, who said he felt sick. So sick in fact that he had to have an emergency five minute lie down on the bathroom floor earlier this morning. He said the wife was slightly alarmed when she found him there, but he told her it was all gravy and said she should go back to bed. Both Chris and Dave couldn’t remember if McGowan or the Mahone were any good or not last night as they were both completely trolleyed. Chris could only remember an annoying 18 year old called Lewis who kept bugging him all night. Dave’s particularly enjoyed the fact that Radcliffe and The Mahone were still in the boozer ten minutes before they were due to go on stage....and it was a five minute walk. Chris apologised for his voice and during the segwayed records after 7 o’clock, both him and Dave took a sample they’d been sent of a well known brand of aspirin. They just put it on their tongue and let it dissolve. Chris said it woke him up straight away and was like having an entire pack of Refreshers in one go. He made Dominic and Rachel try it on the air, with contrasting results. Rache thought it was nice while Dom said it was like swallowing a bag of sugar in one go and had made him feel sick. In fairness, it has to be said that this substance (Chris pointed out a perfectly legal one at that) had made a huge difference to him in just 25 minutes, because the way he sounded at 7:20 was a million miles away from how he had sounded during the first link. With a guest from Albert Square on the way after 8, Chris churned out his usual, dull EastEnders links about everyone doing their washing in the launderettes and eating in the caf etc, when they could just as easily wash clothes and eat at home. He also said that in EastEnders world, Carry On movies, Star Wars, Spandau Ballet, Dad’s Army and Grange Hill never existed. Someone on the text asked why Mo Slater is called Slater when she’s actually Charlie’s mother in law. Rachel said Mo isn’t called Slater but she couldn’t remember her surname. Chris and Dave said she probably didn’t have one and suggested she used either “o’ Meadow” or “Mowlam”. It’s Mo Harris BTW. Today’s Buzz Off choice from Chris was a major disappointment compared to some of the other ones he’s played this week. It was The Beautiful South’s 1992 number 46 smash 36D. Dave buzzed first on 37 seconds with Rachel (0:40) and Aled (0:41) following in quick succession. The listeners finally buzzed it off on 2:01.
BEADLE’S ABOUT:
(Chris and Gary)
Gary Beadle who plays Paul Trueman in EastEnders was the guest on the show this morning between 8 and 9 o’clock. He got on really well with the team and Dave said he was a top fella. Chris got the important questions out of the way first. Gary’s favourite Back To The Future Movie is the first one and his favourite cheese is mature cheddar. He revealed he is another one of these * Liverpool fans that seem to crop up all over the place. This fact didn’t really endear him to Dave, who said he supported “The original and best club on Merseyside”. Chris played Marching On Together to annoy both of them. He then talked about football songs and said the most desperate chant he’s ever heard the Leeds fans sing is “Yorkshire! Yorkshire!”. Gary asked Chris why they sang that. As you can tell Gary’s not the sharpest knife in the rack. He came in to Radio 1 to co-present with Westwood just over a year ago and this morning he compared and contrasted presenter styles with Chris. Paul said the main difference (apart from the weight one obviously) was that Tim stands up and Chris sits down. You’ll never guess what Chris did next...oh yes he is that good. Gary revealed he once appeared as a pirate in The Young Ones. Random text of the morning went to - “Say hi to my wife behind me on the A12. We’re moving to Germany, her name is Jo. Play Eddie Grant and Give Me Hope Jo’anna. Ta, Bob”. Gary said he actually went to drama school with Eddie Grant’s daughter. Chris and Dave both then put on their awful Caribbean accents, which Paul wasn’t too impressed by. He said he felt like he was being oppressed and wanted everyone to just talk in normal English. Chris rightly pointed out that that was rich coming from Mr “Awwight, Knees Up Muvva Braaan” over there. Chris’s girlfriend Sophie met Gary three years ago at Elstree studios in London, on the day his first EastEnders episode was shown. In those last three years Gary has had kids and therefore given up smoking. Dave then thought it was a bit harsh of the Enders bosses to still make him smoke in the show. Chris gave his usual “responsible” speech about smoking. He told all the kids listening not to smoke and instead said they should put all their cash into an account that they can go and open when they turn 18 and get completely rat-arsed with. I don’t know if that is the official BBC stance on the matter however. Chris asked Gary if he’d ever done panto before...
Gary - No I’ve never done panto
Chris - Oh yes you have
Gary - Have I?
Chris - Oh yes you have
Gary - Have I?
Chris - Oh yes you have
Gary (the penny finally drops) - Oh no I haven’t
(Chris and Dave cheer)
Dave - Life in the funny lane
Gary - It’s zany and wacky here! I love it
(Chris laughs)
Chris - That’s one thing we are...zany and indeed (Dave joins in)..WACKY!!
(Gary laughs)
HALIBUT SQUARE - THE PERFORMANCE:>>>>
After the success of The ad-libbed Archers sketch on the show the other day, Dave had decided to take it one step further and actually write a script. He wrote a three minute one for a spoof soap set in “Halibut Square” in East London (you see what he’s done there). Dave said he could see that soap operas are popular and he thought there was a televisual market out there that he could try and tap into. Basically it was another one of his terrible on air pilots...except it was quite funny. Gary (reluctantly) agreed to take part and (for a change) he played an authentic * called Paul.
THE SETTING: A London boozer
THE CAST:
CHRIS - as the Narrator and Millsy, a gay hanging out in the pub (so to speak)
GARY - as Paul, also having a few drinks in the pub
DAVE - as Darvé the french exchange student (in Dave’s poor but funny french accent)
RACHEL - as Racquel, a busty barmaid from the West Country
ALED - as Alun (genius), a local toe rag trying to sell knock off make up in the pub
DOM - as Tom (likewise genius), Chris’s gay partner
JULIETTE - Julie-pet, a busty Geordie barmaid
Aled, Dave, Rache and Jules all put on funny accents in the 3 minute sketch (over a bed of pub sound effects). However the king of the show was Dominic, who put on an accent not too dissimilar to that of Lou from Little Britain (the guy with the glasses who helps Andy in his wheelchair). Not for the first time this week, Byrne was at the centre of a controversial gay storyline. Chris said Dom is going to end up universally known as a bald, gay man with a lisp. Unlike Chris, Dom didn’t think his accent was poor and in fact thought Dave’s was worse, saying it covered many continents. Gary said that he thought the show could exist on prime time TV but wouldn’t be as big a ratings winner as The Chris Moyles Breakfast Show (Dave said that was the right answer). Gary talked to Chris about his major storyline in EastEnders at the moment and said that the next few episodes are going to be great (a totally unbiased opinion of course). Chris did his usual guest arse-licking thing of saying the show would crumble without him and would be ruuubish. Jokingly Gary suggested opening a text vote on the matter, but nowadays with Chris and all his pointless polls it wouldn’t actually surprise me. Gary returned the compliment by saying to Chris that this was the best Radio 1 Breakfast Show he’d heard in a long, long time (well the competition's not been too hard - let’s be honest). A text came in telling Chris that Gary DJ’s at Zanzibar in Leicester. Gary didn’t seem too chuffed that it had been mentioned as he said he doesn’t get paid to do it and certainly doesn’t like to advertise the fact. However, Gary then told Chris he was DJ’ing there tonight (keep it to yourself) and gave out directions.
Chris (back announcing record) - That’s the Sugababes and In The Middle....wow, what a thought
(Gary laughs)
Chris - and before that it was Faithless and We Come One
Dave - What a thought
After finishing chatting to Chris on the show, Gary did a short interview with Entertainment News and then was off to see Philip and Fern on This Morning. Off the air Gary told Chris he’d give an OTT Anne Robinson wink to the camera as code on This Morning. Dave said Gary looked like a big winker. Gary’s interview with Entertainment News was taking place in the Live Lounge after 9 and this meant that Aled wasn’t able to answer the calls for Carpark Catchphrase. Chris wasn’t happy and told Aled to barge straight in...
Chris - Oh stuff them. All the people in Entertainment News are just failed journos anyway so I wouldn’t worry about it
Dom - Oi! That’s what I used to do...
(Rachel laughs)
Chris - No further questions your honour
Dom - ...that was my job before January
Reverse-a-word update time (please resist the urge to fall asleep). There’s not really that much to report anyway. Dave just clarified that Scott Mills will be the anchor (that’s the anchor) who is trying to propel this particular one of his EQF’s into the world of light entertainment next month on Challenge TV. Dave said they are still yet to confirm a filming date, although Chris just wanted to know whether there would be any top heavy page 3 lovelies bent over washing machines and the like on the show, surrounding Scott. Dave said yes, but purely to add an air of glamour to the show and for no other mucky, perverted reasons (of course). Chris went to the gym yesterday and said his personal trainer had him hard at work on the rower, which he finds too tough and tiring. He also asked what the point of it was because he’ll never need to row in real life...
Dave - You’re no Matthew Pinsent are you?
Chris told Dave he didn’t bump into Jono Coleman yesterday down the gym, but when he does he finds himself feeling really bad and guilty for slating Jono on the air. Chris said they get on fine when they see each other...
Chris - Cos in real life I’m a nice guy. It’s just on the radio that I’m a bit of an idiot
Dave - Yeah
Chis (pause) - You’re meant to disagree
Dave - Oh sorry, no no no way you’re not
(Rachel laughs)
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
VICKY from Sutton Coldfield who works for Toyota Financial Services 2
NICK from Dunstable (where Chris used to work at Chiltern Radio) 0
Daves Tedious Link
Skee-Lo I Wish - I wish for an end to global conflict, disease and locusts, which can have a devastating effect on crops - Crops are protected by a scarecrow - The most famous scarecrow in the world was Worzel Gummidge, played by actor Jon Pertwee - Jon Pertwee’s son Sean Pertwee has starred alongside Catherine Zeta Jones, who has in turn starred alongside both David Jason and Pam Ferris - Ferris wheels are something you might describe as being a fairground attraction - Fairground Attraction topped the charts in 1988 with Perfect - Perfect Day on the other hand was a number one 9 years later in 1997 -1997 was the year that Hong Kong returned to Chinese rule after being leased by the UK for a period of 99 years - 99 is a number also associated with ice cream - Ice cream can give you headaches, as can hangovers - If you remove the “hang” part of hangovers you’re left simply with “overs”, which are crucial to the construction of cricket - and cricket is officiated by an umpire, who as well as making sure that fair play amongst rival teams is observed at all times, also acts as a coat stand for the safekeeping of everybody’s jumpers and cardigans - Which links us to The Cardigans and Erase/Rewind
Chris and Dave both spent their St. Paddy’s day evenings last night at London’s Shepherds Bush Empire, watching Shane McGowan and The Family Mahone. Chris said he didn’t feel great this morning and it’s fair to say he sounded as rough as a buzzards crutch at the start of the show. It was an encouraging start too for Dave, who said he felt sick. So sick in fact that he had to have an emergency five minute lie down on the bathroom floor earlier this morning. He said the wife was slightly alarmed when she found him there, but he told her it was all gravy and said she should go back to bed. Both Chris and Dave couldn’t remember if McGowan or the Mahone were any good or not last night as they were both completely trolleyed. Chris could only remember an annoying 18 year old called Lewis who kept bugging him all night. Dave’s particularly enjoyed the fact that Radcliffe and The Mahone were still in the boozer ten minutes before they were due to go on stage....and it was a five minute walk. Chris apologised for his voice and during the segwayed records after 7 o’clock, both him and Dave took a sample they’d been sent of a well known brand of aspirin. They just put it on their tongue and let it dissolve. Chris said it woke him up straight away and was like having an entire pack of Refreshers in one go. He made Dominic and Rachel try it on the air, with contrasting results. Rache thought it was nice while Dom said it was like swallowing a bag of sugar in one go and had made him feel sick. In fairness, it has to be said that this substance (Chris pointed out a perfectly legal one at that) had made a huge difference to him in just 25 minutes, because the way he sounded at 7:20 was a million miles away from how he had sounded during the first link. With a guest from Albert Square on the way after 8, Chris churned out his usual, dull EastEnders links about everyone doing their washing in the launderettes and eating in the caf etc, when they could just as easily wash clothes and eat at home. He also said that in EastEnders world, Carry On movies, Star Wars, Spandau Ballet, Dad’s Army and Grange Hill never existed. Someone on the text asked why Mo Slater is called Slater when she’s actually Charlie’s mother in law. Rachel said Mo isn’t called Slater but she couldn’t remember her surname. Chris and Dave said she probably didn’t have one and suggested she used either “o’ Meadow” or “Mowlam”. It’s Mo Harris BTW. Today’s Buzz Off choice from Chris was a major disappointment compared to some of the other ones he’s played this week. It was The Beautiful South’s 1992 number 46 smash 36D. Dave buzzed first on 37 seconds with Rachel (0:40) and Aled (0:41) following in quick succession. The listeners finally buzzed it off on 2:01.
BEADLE’S ABOUT:
(Chris and Gary)
Gary Beadle who plays Paul Trueman in EastEnders was the guest on the show this morning between 8 and 9 o’clock. He got on really well with the team and Dave said he was a top fella. Chris got the important questions out of the way first. Gary’s favourite Back To The Future Movie is the first one and his favourite cheese is mature cheddar. He revealed he is another one of these * Liverpool fans that seem to crop up all over the place. This fact didn’t really endear him to Dave, who said he supported “The original and best club on Merseyside”. Chris played Marching On Together to annoy both of them. He then talked about football songs and said the most desperate chant he’s ever heard the Leeds fans sing is “Yorkshire! Yorkshire!”. Gary asked Chris why they sang that. As you can tell Gary’s not the sharpest knife in the rack. He came in to Radio 1 to co-present with Westwood just over a year ago and this morning he compared and contrasted presenter styles with Chris. Paul said the main difference (apart from the weight one obviously) was that Tim stands up and Chris sits down. You’ll never guess what Chris did next...oh yes he is that good. Gary revealed he once appeared as a pirate in The Young Ones. Random text of the morning went to - “Say hi to my wife behind me on the A12. We’re moving to Germany, her name is Jo. Play Eddie Grant and Give Me Hope Jo’anna. Ta, Bob”. Gary said he actually went to drama school with Eddie Grant’s daughter. Chris and Dave both then put on their awful Caribbean accents, which Paul wasn’t too impressed by. He said he felt like he was being oppressed and wanted everyone to just talk in normal English. Chris rightly pointed out that that was rich coming from Mr “Awwight, Knees Up Muvva Braaan” over there. Chris’s girlfriend Sophie met Gary three years ago at Elstree studios in London, on the day his first EastEnders episode was shown. In those last three years Gary has had kids and therefore given up smoking. Dave then thought it was a bit harsh of the Enders bosses to still make him smoke in the show. Chris gave his usual “responsible” speech about smoking. He told all the kids listening not to smoke and instead said they should put all their cash into an account that they can go and open when they turn 18 and get completely rat-arsed with. I don’t know if that is the official BBC stance on the matter however. Chris asked Gary if he’d ever done panto before...
Gary - No I’ve never done panto
Chris - Oh yes you have
Gary - Have I?
Chris - Oh yes you have
Gary - Have I?
Chris - Oh yes you have
Gary (the penny finally drops) - Oh no I haven’t
(Chris and Dave cheer)
Dave - Life in the funny lane
Gary - It’s zany and wacky here! I love it
(Chris laughs)
Chris - That’s one thing we are...zany and indeed (Dave joins in)..WACKY!!
(Gary laughs)
HALIBUT SQUARE - THE PERFORMANCE:>>>>
After the success of The ad-libbed Archers sketch on the show the other day, Dave had decided to take it one step further and actually write a script. He wrote a three minute one for a spoof soap set in “Halibut Square” in East London (you see what he’s done there). Dave said he could see that soap operas are popular and he thought there was a televisual market out there that he could try and tap into. Basically it was another one of his terrible on air pilots...except it was quite funny. Gary (reluctantly) agreed to take part and (for a change) he played an authentic * called Paul.
THE SETTING: A London boozer
THE CAST:
CHRIS - as the Narrator and Millsy, a gay hanging out in the pub (so to speak)
GARY - as Paul, also having a few drinks in the pub
DAVE - as Darvé the french exchange student (in Dave’s poor but funny french accent)
RACHEL - as Racquel, a busty barmaid from the West Country
ALED - as Alun (genius), a local toe rag trying to sell knock off make up in the pub
DOM - as Tom (likewise genius), Chris’s gay partner
JULIETTE - Julie-pet, a busty Geordie barmaid
Aled, Dave, Rache and Jules all put on funny accents in the 3 minute sketch (over a bed of pub sound effects). However the king of the show was Dominic, who put on an accent not too dissimilar to that of Lou from Little Britain (the guy with the glasses who helps Andy in his wheelchair). Not for the first time this week, Byrne was at the centre of a controversial gay storyline. Chris said Dom is going to end up universally known as a bald, gay man with a lisp. Unlike Chris, Dom didn’t think his accent was poor and in fact thought Dave’s was worse, saying it covered many continents. Gary said that he thought the show could exist on prime time TV but wouldn’t be as big a ratings winner as The Chris Moyles Breakfast Show (Dave said that was the right answer). Gary talked to Chris about his major storyline in EastEnders at the moment and said that the next few episodes are going to be great (a totally unbiased opinion of course). Chris did his usual guest arse-licking thing of saying the show would crumble without him and would be ruuubish. Jokingly Gary suggested opening a text vote on the matter, but nowadays with Chris and all his pointless polls it wouldn’t actually surprise me. Gary returned the compliment by saying to Chris that this was the best Radio 1 Breakfast Show he’d heard in a long, long time (well the competition's not been too hard - let’s be honest). A text came in telling Chris that Gary DJ’s at Zanzibar in Leicester. Gary didn’t seem too chuffed that it had been mentioned as he said he doesn’t get paid to do it and certainly doesn’t like to advertise the fact. However, Gary then told Chris he was DJ’ing there tonight (keep it to yourself) and gave out directions.
Chris (back announcing record) - That’s the Sugababes and In The Middle....wow, what a thought
(Gary laughs)
Chris - and before that it was Faithless and We Come One
Dave - What a thought
After finishing chatting to Chris on the show, Gary did a short interview with Entertainment News and then was off to see Philip and Fern on This Morning. Off the air Gary told Chris he’d give an OTT Anne Robinson wink to the camera as code on This Morning. Dave said Gary looked like a big winker. Gary’s interview with Entertainment News was taking place in the Live Lounge after 9 and this meant that Aled wasn’t able to answer the calls for Carpark Catchphrase. Chris wasn’t happy and told Aled to barge straight in...
Chris - Oh stuff them. All the people in Entertainment News are just failed journos anyway so I wouldn’t worry about it
Dom - Oi! That’s what I used to do...
(Rachel laughs)
Chris - No further questions your honour
Dom - ...that was my job before January
Reverse-a-word update time (please resist the urge to fall asleep). There’s not really that much to report anyway. Dave just clarified that Scott Mills will be the anchor (that’s the anchor) who is trying to propel this particular one of his EQF’s into the world of light entertainment next month on Challenge TV. Dave said they are still yet to confirm a filming date, although Chris just wanted to know whether there would be any top heavy page 3 lovelies bent over washing machines and the like on the show, surrounding Scott. Dave said yes, but purely to add an air of glamour to the show and for no other mucky, perverted reasons (of course). Chris went to the gym yesterday and said his personal trainer had him hard at work on the rower, which he finds too tough and tiring. He also asked what the point of it was because he’ll never need to row in real life...
Dave - You’re no Matthew Pinsent are you?
Chris told Dave he didn’t bump into Jono Coleman yesterday down the gym, but when he does he finds himself feeling really bad and guilty for slating Jono on the air. Chris said they get on fine when they see each other...
Chris - Cos in real life I’m a nice guy. It’s just on the radio that I’m a bit of an idiot
Dave - Yeah
Chis (pause) - You’re meant to disagree
Dave - Oh sorry, no no no way you’re not
(Rachel laughs)
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
VICKY from Sutton Coldfield who works for Toyota Financial Services 2
NICK from Dunstable (where Chris used to work at Chiltern Radio) 0
Daves Tedious Link
Skee-Lo I Wish - I wish for an end to global conflict, disease and locusts, which can have a devastating effect on crops - Crops are protected by a scarecrow - The most famous scarecrow in the world was Worzel Gummidge, played by actor Jon Pertwee - Jon Pertwee’s son Sean Pertwee has starred alongside Catherine Zeta Jones, who has in turn starred alongside both David Jason and Pam Ferris - Ferris wheels are something you might describe as being a fairground attraction - Fairground Attraction topped the charts in 1988 with Perfect - Perfect Day on the other hand was a number one 9 years later in 1997 -1997 was the year that Hong Kong returned to Chinese rule after being leased by the UK for a period of 99 years - 99 is a number also associated with ice cream - Ice cream can give you headaches, as can hangovers - If you remove the “hang” part of hangovers you’re left simply with “overs”, which are crucial to the construction of cricket - and cricket is officiated by an umpire, who as well as making sure that fair play amongst rival teams is observed at all times, also acts as a coat stand for the safekeeping of everybody’s jumpers and cardigans - Which links us to The Cardigans and Erase/Rewind
