chrismoyles.net
- Wed Mar 17, 2004 11:18 pm
#241884
1. 50 Cent - If I Can’t 7:00 NEWSBEAT 2. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out, 3. Outkast - The Way You Move, 4. Kylie Minogue - Red Blooded Woman, 5. BUZZ OFF - 1 Giant Leap feat Maxi Jazz & Robbie Williams - My Culture, 6. Joss Stone - Fell In Love With A Boy 7:30 NEWSBEAT 7. Oakenfold - Starry Eyed Surprise, 8. Jamelia - Thank You, 9. Will Young - Your Game (Jo Whiley Live Lounge - 15/03/04), 10. Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes 8:00 NEWSBEAT 11. Britney Spears - Toxic, 12. Eamon - F**k It (I Don’t Want You Back), 13. Nelly Furtado - Try, 14. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can’t Stop 8:30 NEWSBEAT 15. The Darkness - Love Is Only A Feeling, 16. Kelly Rowland - Stole, 17. Tomcraft - Loneliness, 18. Blink 182 - I Miss You, 19. Skee-Lo - I Wish (Tedious Link), 20. LMC vs U2 - Take Me To The Clouds Above, 21. Dido - Don’t Leave Home, 22. The Rasmus - In The Shadows, 23. Twista - Slow Jamz 9:30 NEWSBEAT 24. Truth Hurts feat Rakim - Addictive, 25. Sugababes - In The Middle, 26. Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face
Today is St. Patrick's day and Chris therefore decided to open the show with a traditional piece of Irish music - the theme tune to erm, Crackerjack. His excuse was he couldn’t find any Irish music at all, just an old TV themes CD. Dave said it was a strong start. Chris said to celebrate the fact that it is St. Paddy's day, every song on the show was from an Irish artist. You had of course 50 Euros from Limerick, Kylie Minogue from County Mayo and Outkast from Cork. Proving the point that most of Chris’s listeners are thick, Sarah from North Yorkshire texted in to tell them that they were stupid cos Outkast aren’t Irish and are actually from America. Oh dear. As Chris’s mum is from Dublin and most of his dad’s family are Irish, you’d think Chris would have wanted to lay off the stereotypical Irish references and gags this morning. Incorrect. In addition to the borderline racist jokes all the way “through the show”, there was also chat about leprechauns, Shane McGowan, funny Irish hats and The Corrs. Chris had been onto Google before the show and searched for a list of good Irish jokes. The names Paddy, Mick and Seamus seemed to feature quite a bit in the ones he read out. In one a poor Paddy lost his finger in a spinning wheel. Dave said that wasn’t a laughing matter as it was an industrial accident. Dominic thought he had grounds for compensation and Dave said “Where there’s a blame there’s a claim”. Dom’s personal favourite though was...
Q. HOW DO YOU SINK AN IRISH SUBMARINE?
A. Knock on the hatch
The show had been sent traditional Irish breakfasts by O Neill's this morning, including some black puddings. Aled had never tried black pudding before because his mum told him it was made from pigs blood. Aled’s t’internet research seemed to prove her point, saying it is essentially congealed pigs blood. Dave said that was poppycock. Chris made Aled try it live on the air (like Nemone does in her last Early Breakfast link) just before half 8. Aled said he had an open mouth and an open mind. He thought it was minging, although to begin with he actually liked it. Chris said it was like a jungle challenge. Chris had some of the black pudding, but both Rachel and Dave wouldn’t. Rache said it had too many points in it for her to be eating on her Weigh-in day (totally ignoring the sausage & bacon she had 5 minutes earlier) and Dave said he didn’t like it. Aled told him that it’s part of a traditional Irish breakfast though and by not eating it he was insulting a nation. Dave didn’t care and told Aled to get stuffed. As well as breakfast, Chris had also been sent a harmonica this morning. As you can probably guess it was put to it’s maximum usage on the air. Mainly by Dave, who played awful versions of both Frère Jacques and No Limit by 2 Unlimited. He was impressed by his efforts but Chris, Rache and a just arrived Will Kinder weren’t. Chris’s Irish mate Rossy from Radio Aire (Francis) texted in to wish him a happy St. Paddy’s day and Rachel also wished her Irish flat mate Siobhan a happy St. Paddy’s day too. Chris and Dave are going out tonight to see Shane McGowan (supported by Radcliffes Family Mahone) at London’s Shepherd Bush Empire. Expect a few croaky voices tomorrow morning then. Today’s Buzz Off was yet again another top quality choice by Mr Moyles. He went for the fantastic My Culture by 1 Giant Leap, Maxi Jazz from Faithless and Robbie Williams, which shockingly is nearly 2 years old now. Chris played the full album version, including the 1 minute+ intro. What Chris obviously forgot though (and didn’t mention) is that in one of the verses not included on the single (I know cos I bought it), Maxi sings “Would you rather I quit, Come with that other shit”. Aled buzzed in first for the third time this week on 4 mins 02 seconds. The listeners followed on 4:45, Rache on 4:57 and Dave on 5:02. Dave thinks it is a great song, but not as good as the track Braided Hair 1 Giant Leap did with Neneh Cherry.
NIALL, MANUEL AND ALED’S FOURTH PLACE:
Chris invited e-mails and texts this morning from Irish people either abroad or elsewhere in the UK. He said there were *adopts Irish accent* Moyles and Moyles of them coming in. Phone numbers were required as well so Chris could play Guess Where with them. The first two people Chris rang were both fairly dull. They were Amanda in Portsmouth (originally from County Kildare) and Suzanne in Munich (originally from Larne in NI). The funniest part of the show then followed, luckily at bang on prime time (8:15). The next caller was Niall, a hotel receptionist originally from Dublin. The whole idea of the feature was that he didn’t reveal his location, so Chris and Dave could then work it out using a selection of Yes-No questions. The last thing Niall therefore wanted after saying he was in a hotel, was for his clumsy, spanish receptionist sidekick to shout out “in Barcelona!!” in the background. Niall then turned away from the phone to tell him to shut up as he’d just given the game away. It was brilliant. Chris and Dave were in hysterics...
Chris - Niall?
(Niall’s stupid spanish sidekick picks up the phone and says something)
Chris - Oh hello, how are you?
Spanish fella (in his funny accent) - Not too bad, what about you?
Chris - I’m very well. Have you ever watched Fawlty Towers?
(Dave laughs)
Spanish fella - What?
Chris slagged off The Great Radio 1 Race which took place yesterday. He said it was a farce, a waste of everybody’s time and total ruuubish. For more on what happened see the race round up below this review. Aled of course finished up in last place after tumbling over just before the finishing line. Chris said he was an embarrassment to the show, he had let the whole team down and was a LOSER. Aled said he wasn’t as at least he ran, whereas Chappers and Colin Murray bottled out. Technically however, fourth out of four does not constitute a victory or him being a winner - so therefore he is a loser. Dave said Aled was even beaten by Parf Daddy, who’s old enough to be his dad. Spoony won the big race, pushing potential Olympiad Nemone into second place (not literally). Dave said he kind of felt a little bit sorry for Nemone after she failed to win....as it was partially his fault. He was commentating and started off the race by using a new starting technique (featuring an invisible whistle). Dave and the man with the hooter hadn’t fully co-ordinated their start procedure by ways of a dress rehearsal. This meant the hooter went off late. Nemone had waited for that while Spoony set off immediately, thus putting Nemone at a 3-4 second disadvantage. Chris played out a compilation of yesterday’s on-air and off-air highlights. They included Dave's race commentary, Rachel interviewing Aled and Aled interviewing each of his competitors - Nemone, Spoony and Parf Daddy.
There was a major crisis at 9:30 with Dominic Byrne’s news microphone. It took him four attempts at starting the bulletin before it actually started to work properly. In the stewards inquiry afterwards, Dom revealed someone had been messing with it and had turned it around. Aled was the only person who had been sat in that seat since the previous bulletin so Chris summoned him in to the studio. He then cranked up the echo to full blast and chastised him while pretending to be Parf Daddy (or god as Aled called him).
Chris - For this you will be punished. Bend over Aled
Aled - Not again
Chris - It’s time for you to feel my wrath
(Dave laughs)
Chris got out his whip sound effect and whipped Aled six times. Aled (unsurprisingly) said he quite enjoyed it. Chris whipped Dom while he was at it. Dave said he could smell a Sony. Chris was annoyed by Dave’s constant laughing...
Chris - Don’t you laugh Dave. I will strike you down with furious anger and great vengeance....or summat, like that man in Pulp Fiction
Dave - I haven’t seen Pulp Fiction yet
Chris (still with his echo on) - It’s really good, I’ve got it on DVD...you can borrow it
Pulp Fiction - without a doubt one of the greatest films of all time (probably the greatest in my opinion). It therefore comes as no surprise that Dave (at the cutting edge of youth culture don’t forget) hasn’t seen it “yet”...it’s only been out for 10 bloody years. He can borrow my DVD of it if he wants. Rachel did her usual thing of interrupting the “half time” link after 9 today to plug the phone number for Carpark Catchphrase. Aided by Chris, she made an unsuccessful attempt to hit the vocal on the LMC vs U2 record. It was very funny. Chris said she sounded like one of the pre-built sweepers as she crashed it....radio one, one, one, one (repeat to fade). Chris played a trail for 1Xtra’s hip hop weekend (pronounced “Ip Op” on the trail). Dave said his aunt had an Ip Op a few months ago. Chris told him that was a hip op. Just before Carpark Catchphrase at 9:45, Chris put on his camp voice and talked to Aled and Rache about the final ever episode of Sex In The City on Channel 4 this Friday. Chris said it was chick TV for ugly women who can’t get laid...
Rachel - I watch Sex In The City
Chris - I rest my case
Dave - Oh, you walked right into that one Rache
Dave said people like him and Chris who actually have a life and are attractive to members of the opposite sex are out in the pub on Friday night. Granted, that’s after playing all day on the X-box but that’s not the point. Chris put on his camp feminine voice again and said he had sex in a city once - in Norwich with a carpet cleaner called Brian. He got so excited by talking about Sex In The City that he went and played an impromptu One Road Travel jingle.
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
LINDSAY a hairdresser from South Wales 2
JAMES a sales rep from Leeds 0
Dave's Tedious Link
Travis Driftwood - Driftwood can constitute a shipping hazard - Hazard was a 1992 hit for Richard Marx - Richard Marx shares the same surname as Karl Marx, who in turn shares the same christian name as Carl Fogarty, who rides motorbikes - Motorbikes involve the wearing of leather - Leather comes from cows - Cows eat grass - Grass needs to be mowed - Mowed rhymes with toad, which is an animal that is closely related to a frog - The Frog Princess was a 1996 hit for The Divine Comedy - The Divine Comedy are led by Neil Hannon - Neil Hannon shares the same christian name as Neil Armstrong, who was the first man to walk on the moon - The moon is a large planet, a bit like the new one they’ve found called Sedna - If you reverse the spelling of Sedna you get Andes, which are a South American group of snowy mountains - Snowy mountains are ideal for skiing with the use of a ski lift - and ski lift sounds a bit like Skee-Lo, who recorded the wonderful track I Wish - Which links us to Skee-Lo and I Wish
FLAW:>>>
2,500 texts came in to tell Dave he was wrong when he said that the moon “is a large planet”. Chris (obviously reading from the texts) told Dave that everybody knew the moon isn’t a planet, it is infact the earth’s only natural satellite. Dave said he was exposing himself (not literally) but he’s always been of the opinion that anything round and large in space is a planet. Chris decided that this called for a useless text poll and 4,432 people texted in CHRIS or DAVE to 81199, in regards to who they thought was right. Chris won with 61.59% of the votes, but Dave still wasn’t convinced. Therefore, live on the phone at 9:15 was Patrick Moore (albeit Culshaw impersonating him) to confirm to Dave that the moon IS infact a natural satellite (although not one of the ones you get Sky Sports through). Patrick said Dave was getting slightly confused with his knowledge of the solar system. Chris asked Paddy what he was doing for the rest of St. Paddy’s day (you see what he did there). Paddy said he would probably be staying in tonight to watch The Impressionable Jon Culshaw on ITV1, as he’s heard it’s very good.
Today is St. Patrick's day and Chris therefore decided to open the show with a traditional piece of Irish music - the theme tune to erm, Crackerjack. His excuse was he couldn’t find any Irish music at all, just an old TV themes CD. Dave said it was a strong start. Chris said to celebrate the fact that it is St. Paddy's day, every song on the show was from an Irish artist. You had of course 50 Euros from Limerick, Kylie Minogue from County Mayo and Outkast from Cork. Proving the point that most of Chris’s listeners are thick, Sarah from North Yorkshire texted in to tell them that they were stupid cos Outkast aren’t Irish and are actually from America. Oh dear. As Chris’s mum is from Dublin and most of his dad’s family are Irish, you’d think Chris would have wanted to lay off the stereotypical Irish references and gags this morning. Incorrect. In addition to the borderline racist jokes all the way “through the show”, there was also chat about leprechauns, Shane McGowan, funny Irish hats and The Corrs. Chris had been onto Google before the show and searched for a list of good Irish jokes. The names Paddy, Mick and Seamus seemed to feature quite a bit in the ones he read out. In one a poor Paddy lost his finger in a spinning wheel. Dave said that wasn’t a laughing matter as it was an industrial accident. Dominic thought he had grounds for compensation and Dave said “Where there’s a blame there’s a claim”. Dom’s personal favourite though was...
Q. HOW DO YOU SINK AN IRISH SUBMARINE?
A. Knock on the hatch
The show had been sent traditional Irish breakfasts by O Neill's this morning, including some black puddings. Aled had never tried black pudding before because his mum told him it was made from pigs blood. Aled’s t’internet research seemed to prove her point, saying it is essentially congealed pigs blood. Dave said that was poppycock. Chris made Aled try it live on the air (like Nemone does in her last Early Breakfast link) just before half 8. Aled said he had an open mouth and an open mind. He thought it was minging, although to begin with he actually liked it. Chris said it was like a jungle challenge. Chris had some of the black pudding, but both Rachel and Dave wouldn’t. Rache said it had too many points in it for her to be eating on her Weigh-in day (totally ignoring the sausage & bacon she had 5 minutes earlier) and Dave said he didn’t like it. Aled told him that it’s part of a traditional Irish breakfast though and by not eating it he was insulting a nation. Dave didn’t care and told Aled to get stuffed. As well as breakfast, Chris had also been sent a harmonica this morning. As you can probably guess it was put to it’s maximum usage on the air. Mainly by Dave, who played awful versions of both Frère Jacques and No Limit by 2 Unlimited. He was impressed by his efforts but Chris, Rache and a just arrived Will Kinder weren’t. Chris’s Irish mate Rossy from Radio Aire (Francis) texted in to wish him a happy St. Paddy’s day and Rachel also wished her Irish flat mate Siobhan a happy St. Paddy’s day too. Chris and Dave are going out tonight to see Shane McGowan (supported by Radcliffes Family Mahone) at London’s Shepherd Bush Empire. Expect a few croaky voices tomorrow morning then. Today’s Buzz Off was yet again another top quality choice by Mr Moyles. He went for the fantastic My Culture by 1 Giant Leap, Maxi Jazz from Faithless and Robbie Williams, which shockingly is nearly 2 years old now. Chris played the full album version, including the 1 minute+ intro. What Chris obviously forgot though (and didn’t mention) is that in one of the verses not included on the single (I know cos I bought it), Maxi sings “Would you rather I quit, Come with that other shit”. Aled buzzed in first for the third time this week on 4 mins 02 seconds. The listeners followed on 4:45, Rache on 4:57 and Dave on 5:02. Dave thinks it is a great song, but not as good as the track Braided Hair 1 Giant Leap did with Neneh Cherry.
NIALL, MANUEL AND ALED’S FOURTH PLACE:
Chris invited e-mails and texts this morning from Irish people either abroad or elsewhere in the UK. He said there were *adopts Irish accent* Moyles and Moyles of them coming in. Phone numbers were required as well so Chris could play Guess Where with them. The first two people Chris rang were both fairly dull. They were Amanda in Portsmouth (originally from County Kildare) and Suzanne in Munich (originally from Larne in NI). The funniest part of the show then followed, luckily at bang on prime time (8:15). The next caller was Niall, a hotel receptionist originally from Dublin. The whole idea of the feature was that he didn’t reveal his location, so Chris and Dave could then work it out using a selection of Yes-No questions. The last thing Niall therefore wanted after saying he was in a hotel, was for his clumsy, spanish receptionist sidekick to shout out “in Barcelona!!” in the background. Niall then turned away from the phone to tell him to shut up as he’d just given the game away. It was brilliant. Chris and Dave were in hysterics...
Chris - Niall?
(Niall’s stupid spanish sidekick picks up the phone and says something)
Chris - Oh hello, how are you?
Spanish fella (in his funny accent) - Not too bad, what about you?
Chris - I’m very well. Have you ever watched Fawlty Towers?
(Dave laughs)
Spanish fella - What?
Chris slagged off The Great Radio 1 Race which took place yesterday. He said it was a farce, a waste of everybody’s time and total ruuubish. For more on what happened see the race round up below this review. Aled of course finished up in last place after tumbling over just before the finishing line. Chris said he was an embarrassment to the show, he had let the whole team down and was a LOSER. Aled said he wasn’t as at least he ran, whereas Chappers and Colin Murray bottled out. Technically however, fourth out of four does not constitute a victory or him being a winner - so therefore he is a loser. Dave said Aled was even beaten by Parf Daddy, who’s old enough to be his dad. Spoony won the big race, pushing potential Olympiad Nemone into second place (not literally). Dave said he kind of felt a little bit sorry for Nemone after she failed to win....as it was partially his fault. He was commentating and started off the race by using a new starting technique (featuring an invisible whistle). Dave and the man with the hooter hadn’t fully co-ordinated their start procedure by ways of a dress rehearsal. This meant the hooter went off late. Nemone had waited for that while Spoony set off immediately, thus putting Nemone at a 3-4 second disadvantage. Chris played out a compilation of yesterday’s on-air and off-air highlights. They included Dave's race commentary, Rachel interviewing Aled and Aled interviewing each of his competitors - Nemone, Spoony and Parf Daddy.
There was a major crisis at 9:30 with Dominic Byrne’s news microphone. It took him four attempts at starting the bulletin before it actually started to work properly. In the stewards inquiry afterwards, Dom revealed someone had been messing with it and had turned it around. Aled was the only person who had been sat in that seat since the previous bulletin so Chris summoned him in to the studio. He then cranked up the echo to full blast and chastised him while pretending to be Parf Daddy (or god as Aled called him).
Chris - For this you will be punished. Bend over Aled
Aled - Not again
Chris - It’s time for you to feel my wrath
(Dave laughs)
Chris got out his whip sound effect and whipped Aled six times. Aled (unsurprisingly) said he quite enjoyed it. Chris whipped Dom while he was at it. Dave said he could smell a Sony. Chris was annoyed by Dave’s constant laughing...
Chris - Don’t you laugh Dave. I will strike you down with furious anger and great vengeance....or summat, like that man in Pulp Fiction
Dave - I haven’t seen Pulp Fiction yet
Chris (still with his echo on) - It’s really good, I’ve got it on DVD...you can borrow it
Pulp Fiction - without a doubt one of the greatest films of all time (probably the greatest in my opinion). It therefore comes as no surprise that Dave (at the cutting edge of youth culture don’t forget) hasn’t seen it “yet”...it’s only been out for 10 bloody years. He can borrow my DVD of it if he wants. Rachel did her usual thing of interrupting the “half time” link after 9 today to plug the phone number for Carpark Catchphrase. Aided by Chris, she made an unsuccessful attempt to hit the vocal on the LMC vs U2 record. It was very funny. Chris said she sounded like one of the pre-built sweepers as she crashed it....radio one, one, one, one (repeat to fade). Chris played a trail for 1Xtra’s hip hop weekend (pronounced “Ip Op” on the trail). Dave said his aunt had an Ip Op a few months ago. Chris told him that was a hip op. Just before Carpark Catchphrase at 9:45, Chris put on his camp voice and talked to Aled and Rache about the final ever episode of Sex In The City on Channel 4 this Friday. Chris said it was chick TV for ugly women who can’t get laid...
Rachel - I watch Sex In The City
Chris - I rest my case
Dave - Oh, you walked right into that one Rache
Dave said people like him and Chris who actually have a life and are attractive to members of the opposite sex are out in the pub on Friday night. Granted, that’s after playing all day on the X-box but that’s not the point. Chris put on his camp feminine voice again and said he had sex in a city once - in Norwich with a carpet cleaner called Brian. He got so excited by talking about Sex In The City that he went and played an impromptu One Road Travel jingle.
CARPARK CATCHPHRASE:
LINDSAY a hairdresser from South Wales 2
JAMES a sales rep from Leeds 0
Dave's Tedious Link
Travis Driftwood - Driftwood can constitute a shipping hazard - Hazard was a 1992 hit for Richard Marx - Richard Marx shares the same surname as Karl Marx, who in turn shares the same christian name as Carl Fogarty, who rides motorbikes - Motorbikes involve the wearing of leather - Leather comes from cows - Cows eat grass - Grass needs to be mowed - Mowed rhymes with toad, which is an animal that is closely related to a frog - The Frog Princess was a 1996 hit for The Divine Comedy - The Divine Comedy are led by Neil Hannon - Neil Hannon shares the same christian name as Neil Armstrong, who was the first man to walk on the moon - The moon is a large planet, a bit like the new one they’ve found called Sedna - If you reverse the spelling of Sedna you get Andes, which are a South American group of snowy mountains - Snowy mountains are ideal for skiing with the use of a ski lift - and ski lift sounds a bit like Skee-Lo, who recorded the wonderful track I Wish - Which links us to Skee-Lo and I Wish
FLAW:>>>
2,500 texts came in to tell Dave he was wrong when he said that the moon “is a large planet”. Chris (obviously reading from the texts) told Dave that everybody knew the moon isn’t a planet, it is infact the earth’s only natural satellite. Dave said he was exposing himself (not literally) but he’s always been of the opinion that anything round and large in space is a planet. Chris decided that this called for a useless text poll and 4,432 people texted in CHRIS or DAVE to 81199, in regards to who they thought was right. Chris won with 61.59% of the votes, but Dave still wasn’t convinced. Therefore, live on the phone at 9:15 was Patrick Moore (albeit Culshaw impersonating him) to confirm to Dave that the moon IS infact a natural satellite (although not one of the ones you get Sky Sports through). Patrick said Dave was getting slightly confused with his knowledge of the solar system. Chris asked Paddy what he was doing for the rest of St. Paddy’s day (you see what he did there). Paddy said he would probably be staying in tonight to watch The Impressionable Jon Culshaw on ITV1, as he’s heard it’s very good.
