[Uglybob]

Right all you have to do is write 14 sentences, you can do the rhymes in pairs of sentences. Awards issued to really bad puns and very dodgy rhyming. It can be funny but thats not really his forte.

[Morals]

I went to the shops to buy some lollipops,
and while I was there somebody said stop,
it was a geezer I'd met sometime in the past,
at early learning centre where we'd had a blast,
playing with the toys, especially the trains,
if only I'd been to school and used my brains,
instead I went and played on the swings,
got stoned with my mates and talked about 'tings,
and now I'm writing crappy songs,
taking ecstasy and toking on bongs,
but at least I've got a message board,
although moyle's is better, mine just gets ignored,
and all of mine's members are complete twats,
but never mind cos i've still got my rhyming dictionary

(I'm sorry, but it is monday...)

[The Cornishman]

Eat natural foods, bathe twice daily,
Fill your nostrils up with gravy.
Don't drink tea and don't drink coffee.
Cover your chin in yorkshire toffee.

Dancing in the disco, bumper to bumber,
Wait a minute, where's me jumper, ( x4 )

Dancing at the disco, bumper to bumber,
Wait a minute, where's me jumper ? ( x5 )
Oh no.

It's alright to say things can only get better,
You haven't lost your brand new sweater.
I know I had it on when I had my tea,
And I'm sure I had it on in the lavatory.
Oh no.

Dancing in the disco, bumper to bumper,
Wait a minute, where's me jumper ? ( x5 )
It's alright to say things can only get better,
You haven't lost your brand new sweater.
Pure new wool, and perfect stitches,
Not the type of jumper that makes you itches
Oh no.

And my mother, will be so, so angry.
And my brother, will be so, so angry.
And my girlfriend, will be so, so angry.
And my dog, will be so, so angry.
Cos I was dancing at the disco, bumper to bumper.
Wait a minute, where's me jumper ( x5 )
Oh no ! etc

[Uglybob]

My dog hes quite randy
got a pro to give him a hand shandy
talking annoying lines is my forte
still be wearing tracksuits when im forty
live in a house thats got no heating
try to shag sheep but they keep on bleating
neighbours angry that i talk in rhymes
and when im wanking i dont close the blinds
i tell critics to learn from the master
turn my tunes up loud on the ghetto blaster
im not in plaster, run bloody faster

(some silly cod reggae vocal over a incessant drumbeat to fade)

[Morals]

I'm Dossing in Chester,
driving a fiesta,
living it real on the streets,
living it real on the streets

I'm on the dole,
yeah I'm a prole,
but I'm keeping it real on the streets,
keeping it real on the streets

I'm living the life,
no trouble or strife,
coz I'm dossing in Chester,
driving a fiesta,
living it real on the streets,
living it real on the streets

[Benjoo]

today im up for parole
jesus, is that a flying mole
laughing at my obscure penis
watch out, dont miss............

i think im going insane
cos ive got this aching pain
sitting on the toilet
i have had sex with my pet

my dad is an alchoholic
"Is it mr Astley or Rick"
i have a big prick
im going to be sick
hey how you doin, sexy chick
dont take the mick
take a little lick
why have you got that brick........................