chrismoyles.net
- Tue Jul 30, 2002 5:48 pm
#18216
Some spectator sports still to come in this years event:
Drive-by shooting:
Competitors race along a busy Moss Side thoroughfare in a black BMW at 60mph accompanied by a blaring drum and bass soundtrack and attempt to shoot with a .22 air rifle Terry Christian who has been tethered to a lamp post. Extra points for head and groin shots. Defending Champions - Run DMC
Trying to work out the point of Mick Hucknall:
Competitors attempt to discover just what the popular ginger Simply Red front man is actually for.
Defending Champion - Gingham GoolyGooly (Gibraltar) who opined that if Mick was turned upside down he would make a handy mop.
Calming Kevin Keegan down:
Each day at noon the world's most succesful football manager, Kevin Keegan, becomes giddy and over-excited at something someone tells him or he reads in a newspaper, then quits his job. Competitors must calm Kevin down by hearty face-slapping and judicious use of buckets of water.
Defending Champion - Adam Crozier (Scotland)
Wistful Nostalgia.
Competitors accompany an old man around the new and vibrant city centre while he says things like,"Bloody designer lofts? Ee, tha doesn't know tha's bin born. I lived in a coal scuttle till I were nineteen and I'd never seen jam till me wedding day" and "Bloody Imperial War Museum North? I were in a real bloody war you know not some poncy museum exhibit. Jerry bombed our chippy and we had to have bloody au gratin potatoes for weeks." Competitors then say, "Er, thankyou Mr. Charlton" and back slowly away.
Defending Champion - New Event
Synchronised Gift Shop Looting.
Competitors must ransack two gift shops in perfectly co-ordinated synchronicity to a Mantovani backing track. Certain stolen items merit bonus points, for instance those cans that dance and snow globes of the moors above Shaw. Any competitor chased down the road by a red faced and wheezing proprietor gets double marks.
Defending Champions - Bobby Moore and Jimmy Greaves (England)
Drive-by shooting:
Competitors race along a busy Moss Side thoroughfare in a black BMW at 60mph accompanied by a blaring drum and bass soundtrack and attempt to shoot with a .22 air rifle Terry Christian who has been tethered to a lamp post. Extra points for head and groin shots. Defending Champions - Run DMC
Trying to work out the point of Mick Hucknall:
Competitors attempt to discover just what the popular ginger Simply Red front man is actually for.
Defending Champion - Gingham GoolyGooly (Gibraltar) who opined that if Mick was turned upside down he would make a handy mop.
Calming Kevin Keegan down:
Each day at noon the world's most succesful football manager, Kevin Keegan, becomes giddy and over-excited at something someone tells him or he reads in a newspaper, then quits his job. Competitors must calm Kevin down by hearty face-slapping and judicious use of buckets of water.
Defending Champion - Adam Crozier (Scotland)
Wistful Nostalgia.
Competitors accompany an old man around the new and vibrant city centre while he says things like,"Bloody designer lofts? Ee, tha doesn't know tha's bin born. I lived in a coal scuttle till I were nineteen and I'd never seen jam till me wedding day" and "Bloody Imperial War Museum North? I were in a real bloody war you know not some poncy museum exhibit. Jerry bombed our chippy and we had to have bloody au gratin potatoes for weeks." Competitors then say, "Er, thankyou Mr. Charlton" and back slowly away.
Defending Champion - New Event
Synchronised Gift Shop Looting.
Competitors must ransack two gift shops in perfectly co-ordinated synchronicity to a Mantovani backing track. Certain stolen items merit bonus points, for instance those cans that dance and snow globes of the moors above Shaw. Any competitor chased down the road by a red faced and wheezing proprietor gets double marks.
Defending Champions - Bobby Moore and Jimmy Greaves (England)
- jc
