Off-topic chat. May contain offensive language or images.
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By tombugler
#153390
Post your favourite jokes here!

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man!"

"Well, I'll be damned!" the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I shouldn't have been so unpleasant about it. Tell me, how long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father -- I was just reading here that the Pope does!"
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By fish heads
#153402
My favourite joke is -

"Tombugler: Creator of Rockaloola"
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By Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog
#153438
I like the one about the miming mouse.
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By pip1984_2k
#153632
Why did the 1st monkey fall out of the tree....

it was dead

Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree

it was stappled to the 1st monkey

why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree

it fort it was a game
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By Mafro
#153645
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRUBBISH!!!!
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By Chris
#153647
A man walks into a vet with a dead duck. The vet says that the duck is dead, but the man demands a second opinion.

The vet whistles and a black labrador rushes through the door. It sits on its hind legs , woofs and shakes its head.

The man demands another opinion, so the vet opens a small door and a tabby cat rushes out. Has a good look at the duck, then shakes its head too.

Right, the vet says, that's £200 please.

£200!! For what??, asks the guy.

Simple, the vet says, it's £100 for my fee, and £50 each for the lab report and CAT scan.
By Aaron
#153648
Ah jesus, these are ruuubbbissshhhh.
By Tom Holt
#153650
i thought chris's was pretty funny.... :D
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By DemonHorse
#153670
I gotta use some of these in the shit-jokes page on my webshite, these look like theyd really belong there.
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By DemonHorse
#153671
* sh*t jokes n websh*te... really f**ked up with the censorng there
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By kendra k
#153801
man, i just read some really bad jokes in poor taste. i'd post them, but they're that bad.
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By iSeb
#153936
*Rubbish Joke Alert*

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Dunno

To buy a penny sweet from the sweet shop. Do you Get it?

No

Neither did he, The Shop was Shut!
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By Jubber Ray
#155497
Woodworm walks into a pub and asks "Where's the bartender?"

You either get that one in 5 seconds or never.
And yes, I know a woodworm probably doesn't walk.

What did Nelson say to his men before they got on the ship?
"Get on the ship, men."

I got a million more. Bet you can't wait.
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By Dickie
#155498
What's black and left at the top of the stairs after a house fire?

Stephen Hawking
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By Sionide
#155500
What smells and sounds like a bell?

Dunnnggg

^ Monty Python if you need someone to blame the rubbishness on..!
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By seanbhoy
#155501
Like that one Dickie!

How do you keep a moron in suspense?
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By Minnie the Minx
#155557
Why does a bloke name his penis?



He likes to be on first name terms with the person who makes 90% of his decisions.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?



101 - 1 to hold the lightbulb and 100 to turn the house around.
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By Sidders
#155561
I don't know anyone who has a name for their penis... :?
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By MK Chris
#155562
I know someone who has a name for his belly.
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By Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog
#155570
how many people have you asked?

I call mine little john.