[Chris]

1. Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag, 2. Angel City - Love Me Right, 3. Dizzee Rascal - Jus a Rascal, 4. Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love?, 5. Nelly Furtado - Powerless 3:30 NEWS 6. Kylie Minogue - Slow, 7. The Strokes - 12:51, 8. Pink - Tonight's The Night (album track), 9. Tomcraft - Loneliness, 10. Robbie Williams - Sexed Up, 11. Richard X feat Kelis - Finest Dreams, 12. Fatman Scoop feat The Crooklyn Clan - Be Faithful, 13. Texas - Carnival Girl, 14. Dido - White Flag, 15. Ja Rule - Reigns 4:30 NEWS AND SPORT 16. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Fortune Faded, 17. Rachel Stevens - Sweet Dreams My LA-Ex, 18. Radiohead - 2+2=5, 19. Nelly & Kelly - Dilemma 5:00 NEWS AND SPORT 20. Oakenfold - Starry Eyed Surprise, 21. Sugababes - Hole In The Head, 22. Lost Prophets - Burn Burn, 23. Eminem - Without Me, 24. Liberty X - Jumpin, 25. Linus Loves feat Sam Obernik - Stand Back, 26. Ian Brown - F.E.A.R (Tedious Link), 27. Beyonce feat Sean Paul - Baby Boy

Yet again today there was technical chaos in the first link with a set of distorted studio mics in full operation (just a thought but why don’t they try checking that the mics work before the show from now on) and Chris decided to turn everyones up to maximum volume to create that special Dreem Teem effect. Chris started by talking again about the fact that after over 5 years on the air, the afternoon show is now only a few weeks away from ending. Chris urged people to listen to Coxy next year and said that it will be ‘different voice, same breast size’. Chris was wondering how to end the last afternoon show and said it’ll probably be with either a montage of clips or him singing My Way by Sinatra. Dave wasn’t too keen on the latter idea and Chris has told Aled to get working on celebrity messages for the last afternoon show.
His bizarre ‘wanted list’ included the Gallaghers, Brad Pitt & Rachel Aniston, Paul McCartney, Richard Whiteley, Ralf Little, Michael Schumacher, Rozalla and the legendary Pato Banton. Dave said it was going to be sad to see such a potentially award winning show end. Chris said he has won awards though - the FHM DJ of the year, the Sun DJ of the year and (most shockingly of all) Radio 1 team player of the year at the last DJ Dinner a few months back. Chris had brought a copy of the Beverley Hills Cop soundtrack in to today’s show after it was being discussed on Monday. Chris talked about Patti Labelle again and played Axel F by Harald Faltameyer with him and Dave singing the correct beat exactly over it. Aled thought they were very sad.
Chris was out in the pub last night and almost late for a meeting today. This wasn’t due to the booze, just the fact he was watching Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker film on Sky Movies this morning. Dave remembered watching it in Hong Kong back in the 80’s and said it was a truly awful film. Chris played a trail for the chart with Wes. It ended with a woman saying Radio 1 while sounding like she was being strangled. Chris took the pee out of the jingles again although I’m sure that that they’ll come to annoy him even more as he will be playing them for the next 12 months. Chris recalled a funny story of how Culshaw’s mate Wayne from Wigan went on the London Eye with him, despite having a really bad fear of heights. Dave said Wayne had his head in his hands for about 45 minutes.
Tonight is the big Leeds Xmas lights switch on with Phill Jupitus from Essex and Dick and Dom from da Bungalow - but no Chris Moyles from Leeds. Chris said that he and Phill Jupitus used to get on really well but they fell out with each other. Chris said he never got invited round to his house for tea though (more like a feast than a tea probably). Chris said Jupitus used to drop in to see him at Radio 1 all the time. Chris was unsure whether to ask people to boo Phil in Leeds tonight or just to boo Dick and Dom. Chris will be up against Jupitus next year as he does the breakfast show on 6Music. Hmm. I wonder who will win that ratings war then. Also starring at tonight’s Leeds switch on will be also be the Australian Rugby League team, 3 star Leeds United players (erm well if Lamine Sakho, Zoumana Camara and Jamie McMaster qualify as stars) and Radio Aire DJs Rossy (Chris’s mate) and Cameron & Jamie from the breakfast show. Chris said he can’t wait to annihilate them next year and set their current set of RAJARS are awful. Chris also had an unbroadcastable story about Cameron that he couldn’t tell on the air. Talking of lights switch ons, the show will be live in Inverness 3 weeks today on November 27th.
At 3:30 there was a story in the news with Georgina about an unclaimed £2.6 million lottery jackpot in Northumberland. Chris asked her what she would spend it on if she had won the money and she ran through a long list of stuff like houses, cars, booze etc for about 30 seconds. Chris said she was so shallow and he’d have given it all to charity. Would he balls. Chris did an impression of Sharon Osbourne and talked about the ‘stars homes’ tour him and Sophie did in LA recently. They were supposedly shown the Osbournes house but Chris thinks that the fact the tour was so cheap (it was advertised as a special deal) and the fact that the tour bus had no sticker on it might have meant they were on an unofficial tour that made up stuff about the homes they saw.
About ten past four Chris chatted live to Sharleen Spiteri from Texas who was up in Edinburgh, getting ready to present an award for best dance act at the MTV Europe Music Awards tonight. Chris and Dave looked at the nominees and said the Chemical Brothers would win (it was actually Panjabi MC). Sharleen had got out of the bath to do the interview and was just wearing a robe. Chris : ‘aaaahhh’. She asked if she should just wear the robe on stage tonight. Chris said it would put the viewing figures up, if not then certainly something else up anyway. Aled said she didn’t need to get out of the bath to do the interview but this sparked off a whole phone in the bath - safe or not debate. Aled hadn’t really thought it through beforehand. (Chris said his cordless home phone was crap and he needs a new one - ‘in case any PR companies are listening’). The fact Sharleen had been in the bath got Chris on to his favourite subject - peeing in the bath. Sharleen denied ever doing it and (while looking down the list of performers tonight) Chris said he was sure Dido didn’t as she was a respectable lady. Sharleen said her two 14 year old nephews were going with her tonight to the awards and had pulled a sickie from school to be there. Unfortunately for them, she had mentioned both their names earlier in the link and Dave said he was sure they’d be in detention tomorrow now.
Chris had a Radiohead song klaxon alert so all the suicidal people in the world could turn the sound down and think happy thoughts. None of the team had heard the song yet and before they played they both guessed what type of song it would be. Chris hoped it was old Radiohead rock, Aled said it would be sombre and Dave agreed. It was dirge as usual.

Vernon Kay at Mtv awards

Chris - Its the MTV Music awards and please welcome not your host Vernon Kay!
Vernon - Wahey.
Chris - Suddenly dawned on me during that record that you were up in Edinburgh so I thought of phoning him up to see how he is.
Dave - Good Idea.
Vernon - Hiya.
Chris - Hiya, well we didnt get invited.
Vernon - Oh, oh what, Mr Moyles, you didnt get a pass?
Dave - We never get invited to anything flash.
Vernon - Oh you both should be hosting this thing.
Dave - Well your right there.
Chris - Christina Aguilera! I can wear outfits like that.
Vernon - Eh, theres a vision.
Chris - Thank You, so what you doing up there?
Vernon - Uh, well myself and June Sarpingpong, we are backstage.
Chris - (loud sara cox esque impression of June Sarapong) Eh its June Sarapong here.
June - Hello.
Chris (suprised) Oh hello.
Dave starts laughing.
Chris - Im very well love.
Dave - That'll learn ya.
Chris - How are ya?
June - Very well.
Chris - Dave was just doing an impression of you there, right I hope you didnt hear it.
June - No I didnt luckily.
Chris - (mockney) Awright darlin up the apples and pears knees up mother brown.
June starts cackling.
June - I think its a very good impression but a bit better than the one I do of you.
Chris - Oh really, is that when you put a pillow up your jumper?
June - Oh no, dont say that.
Vernon - No its the one where she staggers around with ten pints.
Chris - Yeah alright.
Vernon - Oh she just said its the one wheres she very nice to everyone.
Chris - Right tell her to shut up.
Vernon - He said shut up.
Chris - No I didnt say that, thats out of order. (more mockney)
June - I heard you talking to Sharleen, your a bit naughty arent you Chris?
Chris - No, hang on, you see, I dont think I am. Heres a question for you, June Sarapong. Do you think Dido gets out of the bath to take a wee?
June - I think shes a very respectable lady and maybe you should get out of the bath when you want to pee.
Chris - That doesnt answer the question.
June - It does, your obviously comparing her to yourself. (brain for Miss Sarapong)
Chris - June, June, have you ever peed in the bath?
June - No I have not.
Chris - Shower?
June cackles
Chris - Have you peed in the shower?
June - This is not Big Brother Chris.
Chris - Thats a yes, its a yes, June Sarapong has peed in a shower.
Vernon gets the phone back and laughs.
Chris - I take it shes left you with the phone then.
Vernon - Yeah.
Chris - Theres a surprise!
Vernon - Eh, we just seen Kylie Minogue rehearsing.
Chris - Ooh, whats she like?
Vernon - Its a very good performance of her latest single Slow.
Chris - Right, does she look good?
Vernon - Um well Tess Kay is listening in at the moment and Kylie looked good but not as good as Tess Kay.
Chris - Well of course. Does Kylie still have those idiot dancers who look ill?
Vernon - Oh mate, your telling me she does.
Chris - Cos shes always surrounded by men with orthopedic shoes and neck braces on.
Vernon - Oh just wait and see this. All the dancers have these hideous leotards on, really bizarre, im sure youll like it when you watch it.
Chris - Are they girls?
Vernon - Oh girls and boys... Hey hang on a minute that was a great show wasnt it!
Chris - Dont know, never watched it. Oh you know I did. (starts to imitate the annoying american on that show) Vernon its number... 22. Eh what a surprise it never got recommissioned. So anyway.
Vernon - Aww.
Chris - At least mine was, mind you I didnt get a job back on it but anyway.
Vernon - That pee gag will be huge on your breakfast show.
Chris - No, but Vernon, do you think that Dido gets out of the bath when she wants to pee.
Vernon - Well I think Dido being the lovely girl that she is, very respectable, very presentable, but I think Dido would.
Chris - Whereas you take other women like your lass for example. I bet shes had a wee in the shower.
Vernon - Never.
Chris - Oh come on... I bet you have.
Vernon - No my wife is a real lady.
Chris - So you are backstage at this minute?
Vernon - Yeah, I just seen Christina Aguilera do a link.
Chris - Seriously, close up, whats she like cos I think shes really fit.
Vernon - Do ya?
Dave - Is she really small Vernon because, granted your huge... in height, but is she very very short?
Vernon - She is tiny.
Chris - But is she fit?
Vernon - Not really no.
Chris - Is she big on top?
Vernon - Not really.
Chris - Oh she looks like shes got a set of cans on her.
Vernon - Oh sorry I thought you meant her hair.
Dave - Noooo.
Vernon - Well not really.
Chris - What a disappointment.
Vernon - Get on the showbiz plane and come up.
Chris - Your joking, they wouldnt let me in, so your up there, are you doing your little Sunday show up there, recording some bits for Sunday.
Vernon - Yeah we are doing T4, just interviewed Justin Timberlake. He was actually very nice. He did have a wee bit of a hangover though.
Chris - Did he?
Vernon - Yeah
Chris - Oh hes changing him.
Vernon - Hes showbiz now darling.
Chris - Oh well have a good time up there.
Vernon - Ill try.
Chris - Your not giving an award out there though.
Vernon - They dont who I am in ... England.
Dave - Your in Scotland!
Chris - Scotland is obviously where you are. Can I say this little tip for you. Dont want to teach you to suck eggs but its not the greatest thing in the world to stand in the middle of Edinburgh and say Hello England... especially if you want to get out alive.
Vernon - Ill pass that on to Christina Aguilera if I see her.

Christina new video - has she had them done asks Dave? The video does accentuate the breasts so that you dont have to look at her David Dickinson tanned face.
The Mystery Afternoon sound was back and Carl from Spalding who correctly guessed it was a baby crying.

Daves Tedious Link
Kylie Minogue Did It Again - Did It Again was released in 1997, the same year that Hong Kongs British Colony status ceased and the territory was returned to China - China in your Hand was a number 1 for T'Pau - T'Pau were named after a high ranking Vulcan in Star Trek - A trek is something you might do on a pony - Ponies were used in coalmines to transport coal underground - Underground, first name Velvet were the band fronted by Lou Reed - Lou Reed wrote Perfect Day which was featured in the film Trainspotting - Trainspotting was based in Edinburgh - Edinburgh is the location of tonights MTV Europe Music Awards which are being attended by a glittering array of stars... and Vernon Kay - Vernon Kay shares the same surname and birthplace as Peter Kay - Peter Kay isnt really a drinker but is partial to the odd Baileys - Baileys is served on the rocks - Rocks was a 1994 hit for Primal Scream - Primal Scream bassist Mani used to be with the Stone Roses alongside the lead singer Ian Brown - Which links us to Ian Brown and F.E.A.R from 2000

Another call from ... BEYONCE

Chris - Ive always wanted to talk to you... its like every week now!
B - Every week.
Chris - Do you know I talk to you more often than I seem to talking to my own mother.
B - Really, the same here.
Chris - How are you?
B - Im good, im enjoying myself, its really nice here.
Chris - Im a little bit angry.
B - Why are you?
Chris - Because you have arrived in the UK, you didnt come to see me.
B - Well I havent left yet.
Chris - Well technically you have. You have left England because your in Scotland.
B - But Ill be back.
Chris - Well you make sure you are
B - (laughs) Ok.
Chris - Or else theres a spanking with your name on it (imagine that eh, picture that image, sorry thats me talking to myself here). So you are in beautiful Edinburgh.
B - I am, it really is a beautiful place.
Chris - This is what we said last time you were on the show, I think you said you were with Destinys and we said its very beautiful, try and have a look around. Have you managed to see much of it yet?
B - Well I went to see a couple of shops and I have a beautiful view at the hotel. Seen a lot of fans but ive mostly been doing rehearsals up here so I havent had much time but ive had enough time to want to come back.
Dave - Can you see the castle from your room Beyonce?
B - Yes I can, its beautiful, unbelievable.
Chris - So are you performng tonight young lady?
B - I am, Im opening the show actually.
Chris - What track are you doing?
B - Baby Boy and I have a wonderful special guest that is Sean Paul joining me. Im very excited about.
Chris - Bless him.
B - Yes and I think the show is going to be incredible. I heard some of the soundchecks and my girl Missy is here and Andre of Outkast who I am a big fan of, I saw him, a lot of great people including Christina Aguilera. Im excited.
Chris - Are you pals with a lot of the acts that are performing tonight.
B - Yeah, you see a lot of shows and people probably think you have more time to spend with other artists but I have a lot of respect for a lot of the artists and I admire talent so I am happy to see other talented people.
Chris - What can expect you wearing tonight at the awards. Are you going to be performing in some hot little number?
B - I cant tell you, you have to watch.
Chris - Aww, well make sure you are all taped in, I dont want you to have anything embarrassing happening.
B - Ok, ill make sure.
Chris - Listen, cos I now I feel like im overprotective of you as we seem to speak each week.
B - Your like my brother of something.
Chris - I prefer boyfriend.
B - No, no boyfriend, you have a nice blonde, you told me the last time.
Chris - Yeah I know but because you are from America, its different, its not like cheating.
B - Im not gonna get you smacked.
Chris - I wish you would wahey, so you are doing Edinburgh for the MTV Music Awards and then you are back over here on tour.
B - Back on tour and ill be here for another couple of weeks all over Europe and I have 2 shows in the UK. Im excited, the tour is going great and im just happy to be here performing my music.
Chris - Friday you are going to be in Sheffield. Sheffied is not a million miles away from where I was born.
B - Really?
Chris - Yeah, thats north, thats Yorkshire, thats the best bit of England.
B - Aw K, Ive been there before.
Chris - When your there say this is the best bit of England, they will all cheer. mind you, if you say that anywhere your pretty much guaranteed a cheer.
B - Well thank you for that advice. Where should I go there? What restaurant, whats hot over there?
Chris - I think theres a Fatty Arbuckles there!
B - Is a what?
Chris - A Fatty Arbuckles in Sheffield, you can get like Burgers and Chips there.
B - Aww.
Chris - Is that not good enough?
B - Its ok, but theres no special places?
Chris - Well if you get into a car and drive for 40 minutes you can get to my mums house in Leeds.
B - Really, will she cook some good food?
Chris - Shes great, she does some great Yorkshire Puddings.
B - Oh ok, sounds wonderful, dont you have any crazy questions for me today?
Chris - Do you know no because we are off the air in about 4 minutes so were going to play your single and then we are out of here.
B - Oh well, thank you very nice talking to you.
Chris - Now listen are you going to come in and see me?
B - Im gonna try.
Chris - Well you make sure you try.
B - Ok Ill try.
Chris - Otherwise Ill be very angry.
B - Ok.
Chris - Listen have a great time. Monday your in London so I expect a call. Ill make sure my girlfriend is away for the weekend.