The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#241799
1. Kylie Minogue - Slow, 2. Bubba Sparxx - Ugly, 3. Elbow - Fugitive Motel, 4. Kevin Lyttle - Turn Me On, 5. Nelly Furtado - Powerless, NEWS 6. Fatman Scoop - Be Faithful, 7. The Thrills - Don't Steal Our Sun, 8. Linus Loves feat Sam Obernik - Stand Back, 9. Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi, 10. Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around*, 11. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Fortune Faded, 12. Dido - Life For Rent, 13. Pink - God Is A DJ (album track), 14. Beyonce Knowles & Sean Paul - Baby Boy NEWS 15. Daniel Bedingfield - Gotta Get Thru This, 16. Sugababes - Hole In The Head, 17. Blink 182 - Feeling This, 18. Mis-teeq - Scandalous, 19. Dizzee Rascal - Jus a Rascal 5:00 NEWS AND SPORT 20. Kylie Minogue - Can’t Get You Out Of My Head, 21. Stereophonics - Since I Told You, 22. Ja Rule - Reigns, 23. Junior Senior - Move Your Feet, 24. Jane’s Addiction - Been Caught Stealing (Tedious Link), 25. Missy Elliott - Pass That Dutch, 26. Robbie Williams - Sexed Up

Radio 1 has been given a revamp today with new sets of jingles for each show, the entire station and Newsbeat. Of course it was unlike Chris to have a complaint about them within 10 minutes of being on the air. He said one of his new jingles sounds like it’s been done on one of the old Speak and Spell machines. Either that or Stephen Hawking was drafted in by Radio 1 to record them. There was also more new show jingles from American Paul played today, including a rather bizarre one that said the show was better than swimming with dolphins.
Chris tried to avoid talking about the weekend’s football and Dave didn’t seem too bothered either. The subject did inevitably come up and Chris said he was trying to look on the bright side. Leeds lost 4-1 to Arsenal on Saturday and yesterdays results mean they are now propping up the rest of the Premiership in bottom spot. Chris was optimistic however. He said ‘as Yazz and The Plastic Population once sang - The
Only Way Is Up’ (or down to division one in Leeds case of course). Everton lost 1-0 to Chelsea and Dave said they were robbed as it was handball before the goal. Chris said he likes Chelsea a lot and said if Mr Abramovich is listening and has a spare £80 million then there is a team just up the M1 who could do with the cash.
Today is the start of Radio 1’s Divas/Girls week which Chris nicely worded as ‘5 days, 4 girls and Missy Elliott’. Aled said that was a bit harsh but Chris said she was pushing 60 and went to school with his mum. Missy Elliott will be on Coxy’s show on Friday, Pink on Chris’s show on Wednesday and Britney on Jo Whiley’s show tomorrow. On Thursday it’s supposedly Christina Aguilera day but she won’t actually be coming in, she’ll be interviewed by Edith Bowman on the red carpet in Edinburgh instead (Christina is presenting the MTV European Music Awards). Chris said this was a cop-out by management and that he had wanted to meet her when she came in to the station.
Today was Kylie day and she was a guest on Mark and Lard’s show earlier. (They had taken a break from the capital of England Manchester and were down in London Village). Kylie had recorded a few snippets for Chris and he played the clips
throughout the show, probably a bad way of trying to justify the fact she was supposedly on Radio 1 ‘all day’. There was one Kylie song each hour however. If this is going to be the pattern of the week then god help us on Friday when it’s Missy Elliott day.
Chris took the piss out of Kevin Lyttle’s singing again on the show today. Chris said he can’t sing and has a rubbish voice. Dave preferred to phrase it as ‘not the strongest voice’. The first one was more accurate I think. He said the lyrics of the song mention the infamous Handy Andy from Changing Rooms. Dave also spotted him mentioning ‘bumper cars in Spain’. Chris said the lyrics were just random words strung together and played more of the song in search of bad lyrics. At this point Kevin Lyttle sang ‘push that thing, push it harder, back on me’. Chris said he couldn’t comment about that one. Chris got to bed at 5am in Brighton on Saturday morning following Friday’s live show. In contrast Aled (who’s producing for the next fortnight as Rachel is on holiday in the States) fell asleep at 8.30pm on the Friday and missed the night’s activities. There was time beforehand for him to drink a woo-woo though. Dave was ordering at the bar and Chris shouted over in clear earshot of everyone that Aled wanted a woo-woo. Dave’s reply was unbroadcastable but I think we all have a fairly good idea what he said anyway.
Chris saw Felix from Basement Jaxx in the hotel bar later but didn’t recognise him until his mate pointed him out. Chris talked about the fact that there was a list in the paper of the top 10 celebrities who have Brighton buses named after them. This was being discussed on Friday’s show with Fatboy Slim. Aled said Leeds should name one after Chris. Chris said Leeds City Council hate his guts. He said if they offered him the chance to switch the Christmas lights on now he’d tell them to stick it up their arse as he’s going to Inverness.
There was a clip in the news of P Diddy/Puff Daddy (whichever you prefer) saying God got him through the New York marathon he’s just run to raise money for kids charities. Chris went a bit OTT in slating him for saying god got him through it. Chris said it was the Lucozade and Nike running shoes not god. Mr Diddy's marathon time was 4 and a quarter hours. Chris said his dad could do better than that. He rang his dad up to check but he had his phone switched off. Chris said his parents always have their phones switched off to save on batteries.
Chris also said his mum is really rubbish at leaving answering machine messages. Ever since he asked her to hold on a bit longer to give him time to pick up, she waits for 2 minutes before actually realising he’s not in and then doesn’t even leave a message, just says she’ll call him back. Chris mentioned that at her house his mum has a state of the art modern computer with colour printer, Built in DVD player, CD Burner, Scanner etc, yet she still just sits playing Solitaire on it every afternoon (doesnt everybody though, im onto Freecell now though).
Chris said he was up at the crack of dawn this morning (no gags) and in work for 9.30 as he spent an hour and a half interviewing Pink. It wasn’t a pre-record as she is actually coming in to the show on Wednesday, instead he was recording her talking about her new album for Radio 1’s new Hear It First album, which (coincidentally) is Pink’s.
Chris said he bonded with her and it’s ironic that all the a-list celebs such as Pink and Beyonce are after him now he’s attached when no-one wanted to know when he was single. This is possibly a bit harsh but I think that’s still the case Chris.
The Monday Surgery was back with Dr Chris, Nurse Dave and Receptionist Aled. One e-mailer told Dr Chris that he was listening to the show around the house on FM, DAB Digital Radio and Sky Digital Channel 851 as he was moving about. He said there was a slight delay between the three and asked which one was actually live. Chris didn’t answer the question but found an echo effect that is similar to the delay and repeats your voice. It’s used on some trails and Chris said they go on forever with a delay. Dave and Aled (and after a bit me) got spooked out by this effect. Dave refused to speak until Chris turned it off in fact.
More Monday Surgery - bit dull, Aled put crappy callers on. Some woman turned the air brown by saying that she had a number 2 to do but there was no water in the toilet and it wont flush if she were to flush but she didnt want to be touching cloth when she was going home. Chris told her to go to the males toilet and leave it in there. Its common practice for most males not to pull the chain.
Blink 182 have a serious album out now, oh dear, I bought their last album and couldnt sit through it all, I know the whole idea is punk people dont really sing, they shout but Blink take it to a really bad level of annoying screechy whine. Chris watched the best of MTV Cribs with them on it. Chris said that they must be loaded. MTV seems to be wall to wall Cribs and Bleeping Osbournes nowadays which in itself a stupid idea, surely the whole point of the show is the swearing. Chris thought it was funny that Patti Labelle was on Mtv Cribs, bearing in mind she hadnt had a hit in the last 20 years or so. Dave said that she sang with Michael McDonald and sung on the Beverley Hills Cop soundtrack. Aled got mixed up entirely and couldnt figure out what Labelle had to do with Beverley Hills cop. Chris and Dave did an impromptu version of Axel F by Harald Faltameyer.
Chris had no idea what Dizzee Rascal was rapping about in his new song. Dave said that it sounded like their quiz last week, Quiz Me Quick. Someone texted in to say it sounded like Chris Eubank trying to rap but Chris and Dave made it clear it wasnt them that said that just incase any of them are angry.
Chris had Kylie in again after 5, on the machine though as she wasnt really there of course. Chris milked it dry like a 3 stone cow collapsing under its legs. He seemed to get into it and talk as if she was there which was somewhat worrying. Dave said that the Ja Rule song had definitely a sample of Toto Africa. Chris did a fake Guess Who with Kylie saying Yes and No. Chris was manning the yes and no kylie buttons and wont impress Pink (who it was) as he said that Pink was over 25. She is in fact under 25. Dave made a faux pas at the end of the show. Chris said that Kylie was on Dave Pearces show and there was an arse contest. Dave said a line like Im sure there are several entries... to the ass.....

Daves Tedious Link
Inxs New Sensation - Inxs are from Australia as is Kylie Minogue - Kylie was a guest on Mark and Lards show - Lard is high on cholestoral - If you remove the hole from that word and then combine the first letter and the remaining 6 letters in the reverse order you get clorets which are a type of throat sweet - Sweets for my Sweet was a top 3 hit for CJ Lewis in 1994 - CJ Lewis shares one of his names with that of Lewis Carroll - Lewis Carroll was a famous author much like Robert Louis Stevenson - Robert Louis Stevenson wrote Treasure Island - Treasure Island was all about pirates much like the recent film Pirates of the Caribbean which starred Johnny Depp - Johnny Depp was Edward Scissorhands - Scissors should be kept out of reach of children along with hedge clippers and battery acid - Acid House was big in the late 80's along with Sydney Youngblood and Belinda Carlisle - Carlisle is the home of Eddie Stobart, who owns a haulage empire - Empire is a magazine about films - Films of a different type are used by photographers - Photographers sometimes need to use a flash and Flash Photography is often prohibited at gigs and concerts and the last gig that Dave was at was Janes Addiction on Thursday night in Brighton - Which links us to Janes Addiction and Been Caught Stealing.

* How times have changed. Rewind to 3 years ago and Kylie got to Number 1 with Spinning Around with 0% support from Radio 1. Radio 1 did not even playlist it. The only time it was played on Radio 1 was when she came in to see Chris and promote it on his show. So there you go, whos to thank for her success, certainly not the people picking the playlist anyways.

Sat and today are up