[Betti911]

Some of the finest double entendres on British TV & Radio:

Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This
Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster racecourse took Brough Scott's breath away."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said:
You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

[Wyatt]

I remember having the first one as my sig a while back

[Console]

I found something similar a while back, here are the ones that weren't on your list:-

Ulrika Jonsson was a humble GMTV weathergirl talking about snowfall when she revealed: "I had a good eight inches last night."

Lorraine Kelly on GMTV: "This year's hairstyle is called a shag and our resident stylist is here to give our model one."

Steve Leonard, talking about vegetation on Vets In The Wild, told Trude: "There's something big growing between my legs."

Richard Whiteley asking Carol Vorderman to display a word on Countdown: "Ah, 'erection', let's see it up please Carol."

David Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on Bargain Hunt, said to expert Nigel Smith: "You're a bit of a knockers man." "Yes," he replied. "I've come across quite a few in my time."

Beatrice Hillyer was discussing the availability of fresh water in Baghdad when she informed TVam viewers: "Just after the liberation, I was getting it twice a day in my hotel room."

Steve Cram covering the men's 200 metres at the World Athletics Championships: "Pumping away, Marlon Devonish has got the Olympic champion inside him."

Chain Letters host Allan Stewart was discussing a 6ft 5in contestant called Richard when he told two women competitors: "That's enough Dick for both of you."

Expert David Batty was examining a bowl with a pineapple-shaped lid on Antiques Roadshow when he exclaimed: "This is the most magical, wonderful knob I have ever seen."

During the 1989 British Masters golf tournament, commentator Richie Benaud observed: "Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to lick their balls on the green."

[Quincy]

now for some sledging as its nearly time for the ashes.


1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:

When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:

As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

3. Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes:

After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?" "Cos every time I f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit," Brandes replied.

4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:

During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed:
" You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the
boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."

5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:

During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:

During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff."

7. Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:

After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces."
Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to
Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."

8. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the television microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"

[DemonHorse]

It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field

.... just like every other Televised football game then...