[The Cornishman]

I have just returned from the pub where I was reunited with one of my oldest and most dispised enemies-Irzal toilet paper.Whistling a merry tune as my intestines went about their work I let out an audible shriek as I spied the Irzal.
After searching desperately for any possible substitute,(I even considered a Werthers Originals package,and a five pound note) I was forced to use the Irzal.Of course this starchy 'anal anti-christ' which I believe was designed to remind nuns of the perils of human flesh by forming razor like folds about the 'pensioners pucker' has all the absorbtion power of grease paper so once started I had no choice but to use the entire roll moaning proificaly as I did. The fella in the urinal outside avoided eye contact.....

[Benjoo]

Im pretty sure, but dont quote me on this, that irzal is a creation by satan himself. But you didnt here that here.......Right!!