[Gaspode_The_Wonder_Dog]

Having observed a number of festivals and concerts i have come to the following conclusion:

1) People who stand at the front have a very low iq and most are in fact braindead.
2) if you stand at the front accept that urine will be emptied over your head.
3) people at the very back of the crowd are drunk or lookin for the toilet.
4) drugs bout at festivals often turn out to have been persil tablets.
5) anything organised by a radio station will rarely have acts other that blue, liberty x (insert crap pop band)
6)that person you saw was NOT famous.
7)beer is very very expensive.
an unlikely looking act will be better than the bands you wanted to see.
9) beck is a tosser (this is just my personal one)

[The Cornishman]

When I was eight years old my parents took me to a rock festival on the Isle of Wight.The memory is hazey but I recall being allowed to wander around by myself while they went to watch Peter Frampton.
At one point I discovered a group of minor celebrities sat behind desks in open fronted tents including Tom Baker who was entirley alone. I approached him and he gave me that head on one side half closed eye smile of his and said 'yes young man'.Stuck for words I could only think to offer him a mint imperial at which point he closed the tent flaps with the words 'what a ghastly child' and dissapeared inside.
However as if by magic the tent flaps suddenly re-opened again and Mr Baker had been replaced by JOHN CRAVEN who accepted my sweet with good grace and asked me if I'd ever been inside a cheiftan tank.

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